#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Visibility looks different for everyone. For some grrrls, it’s walking into a room and owning it. For others, it’s finally sharing a passion project, speaking up in a meeting, or just posting a selfie without overthinking it. Whether you’re the spotlight-stealer or the soft-launch queen, the truth is that being seen can feel vulnerable, overwhelming, and even exhausting. And yet, there’s power in letting yourself take up space, even when you’re still figuring out what that looks like. For so many of us, especially Black grrrls, the idea of being visible isn’t just about confidence, it’s about safety, survival, and self-definition. We’ve been taught to keep our heads down, make ourselves smaller, and only be “palatable” versions of ourselves in professional or public spaces. Visibility has rarely been optional. It’s been curated, surveilled, and at times, punished. That’s why this week, we’re talking about what it means to ease into visibility without feeling inauthentic. We’re not doing a forced rebrand or creating hyper-curated online personalities, because this isn’t about going viral. It’s about showing up in a way that feels aligned with who you are, not just who people expect you to be. Whether you’re posting more selfies, claiming credit at work, or setting boundaries with family, visibility is radical self-care when it’s done on your own terms. Honestly, every time I hit “post” on something vulnerable, I feel like I need a nap. Okay beauty rest! You don’t have to be loud to be seen. You just have to be real.

For Black grrrls especially, visibility has always been complicated. We’re either hyper-visible or invisible, glorified or dismissed, expected to be magical and strong while also staying quiet and agreeable. That’s not just tiring, it’s confusing. When the world keeps sending mixed signals about how we’re “supposed” to show up, it makes sense that many of us struggle with how to be seen at all. And let’s be honest, a lot of what passes for confidence culture online just feels like performance. We’re told to “step into the spotlight” or “shine bright” without acknowledging how much emotional labor it takes just to be present in spaces that weren’t made for us. Visibility doesn’t start with a ring light or a reel. It starts with permission to exist out loud in whatever way makes sense for your spirit right now. This post is for the grrrls who are building that kind of visibility. Not the version that demands you to be “on” all the time, but the version that feels rooted, real, and sustainable. Maybe your soft life era includes being the main character of your own story, or maybe it’s just saying “no thanks” to anything that doesn’t honor your peace. Either way, this summer is the perfect time to rewrite the narrative. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to show up as you are.

Posting to Prove It

Let’s start with the myth that being the main character means being seen by everyone. We’ve been sold this idea that visibility equals validation, and that if something isn’t documented or shared, it somehow matters less. But your life doesn’t need to be a show. There is power in the parts of your life that exist quietly, sacredly, and just for you. The solo walks, the deep breaths, the weekends where your phone is on Do Not Disturb and your vibe is lowkey are just as important as the highlight reel moments. Choosing privacy isn’t hiding, it’s honoring. And in a culture that profits from our constant performance, that kind of intentional withholding is radical. This is especially important if you’re still learning how to feel safe being seen. Maybe you’re not ready to be center stage, and that’s okay. You don’t have to show everything to be living in your main character energy. In fact, a lot of main character moments are internal. The decision to protect your peace, the quiet shift when you stop over-explaining, and the deep exhale when you realize you don’t owe anyone a response are all the plot points too. Even your snack choice can be character development. The snack that smiles back! Think about the people whose energy you’re naturally drawn to. Chances are, it’s not because they’re loud or flashy. It’s because they seem at ease with themselves. That’s the energy we’re cultivating this summer. Not approval seeking, but grounded, steady, unbothered presence. When you stop needing outside validation to confirm your worth, you get to move differently. You make decisions based on your own alignment, not on how palatable they’ll be to others. And if you’re someone who’s been craving a reintroduction to yourself, to the world, or to your people soft launch it. You don’t need a full rollout to claim your space. Say yes to the quiet glow-up. Let people discover the shifts in real time, not because you curated it, but because your energy changed. Let your presence be the proof. This isn’t about disappearing or going silent forever. It’s about getting clear on what you want to share and why. It’s about not feeling pressured to monetize your healing, aestheticize your joy, or turn your growth into content. You are not a brand. You’re a whole person. And your main character era doesn’t have to be aesthetic or optimized. It just has to be honest. 

Delulu Where?

A lot of us aren’t struggling to be confident, we’re struggling to stop cringing at ourselves long enough to actually enjoy anything. The moment we start to feel good, here comes that internal voice like, “Be serious.” And suddenly, joy turns into embarrassment. Eww! But what if we stopped making every moment a performance to critique? Confidence isn’t about never feeling awkward. It’s about not letting that awkwardness decide who you get to be. You’re allowed to be dramatic, sentimental, dorky, sensitive, delusional in a cute way and whatever it is that feels like you. We live in a culture that constantly tells us to self-monitor. Especially as Black grrrls, we’re taught to be “on” all the time; poised, articulate, polished, overly polite. So when we finally try to loosen the grip and just exist, it can feel exposing, vulnerable, and maybe even embarrassing. But what if the goal this summer wasn’t to erase those moments, but to embrace them? The TikToks you never post. The voice notes you re-record three times. The outfit you loved but changed because you weren’t sure how it would come across. That’s the stuff we’re reclaiming. The fear of being perceived has robbed too many of us from having fun. We’ve convinced ourselves we need to be perfect before we can be present. But confidence doesn’t come from getting it “right.” It comes from getting used to being seen. Cringe and all. It’s in showing up anyway. When you stop flinching at your own reflection, you start to build a real relationship with yourself and that relationship is the most important one of all. When you learn to own your “cringe,” other people stop using it against you. They can’t weaponize what you’ve already embraced. So if you’ve ever felt too big, too loud, too emotional, too anything, try flipping the script. This summer, let yourself be a little bit unhinged in the most loving way possible. Let yourself be the kind of main character who doesn’t need every scene to be cool. Don’t wait until you’ve mastered the art of not caring what people think, start with noticing when you do care, and choosing joy anyway.

Keeping the Vibe Alive

So you’ve decided to be the main character. Cute. But let’s be honest, main character energy doesn’t just fall from the sky. It has to be nurtured, maintained, and protected. That’s the part people don’t always talk about. There’s this idea that confidence is just an outfit or a vibe you throw on like a jacket. But sustaining that energy, especially as a Black grrrl navigating systems that weren’t designed with you in mind, takes effort. It means being intentional about how you start your day, how you speak to yourself, how you recover from setbacks. If the fantasy is that you’re the star of your own show, then baby, you also need to be your own production team, well until you actually have one. Lights, camera, action! This is where routines come in. Not the ones designed to make you hyper-productive or aesthetically pleasing for the algorithm. We’re talking about routines that actually help you feel more like yourself. That morning playlist you play while brushing your teeth? That counts. The outfit that makes you walk different, even if you’re just going to Target? You better believe that counts too! It’s not about being glamorous every second. It’s about building small practices that help you re-center and remember who you are, especially when the world is trying to convince you otherwise. Maybe that looks like journaling at night instead of scrolling, or maybe it’s putting your phone on do not disturb while you get ready for the day. The beauty of main character energy is that it’s not a role you audition for, it’s a life you curate. So the more you tailor your days to reflect what you actually enjoy, the easier it becomes to show up with confidence. You don’t have to fake it when your life feels aligned. And here’s the part that might sting a little: being the main character also means knowing when to cut the scene. That includes the friendships that feel like background noise, the habits that dull your shine, and the narratives you’ve outgrown. It means saying no when something disrupts your peace, even if it seems small. Because every time you override your own needs to keep the vibe light for someone else, you’re shrinking the role you were meant to play. You’re not here to be an extra in someone else’s story. Your softness, your power, your quirks, and your rituals are the things that make your presence magnetic. Protect them like the plot depends on it. So whether you’re putting on your favorite lip gloss, deep-cleaning your space with your “get it together” playlist blasting, or talking to yourself in the mirror like your own hype grrrl, know that all of it is part of the process.

Being the main character isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present in your own life, choosing softness over survival mode, and reminding yourself that you don’t need to perform for anyone in order to be worthy of care. Especially not yourself. If this summer feels different, that’s because it is. You’re growing. You’re healing. You’re unlearning the need to prove yourself through exhaustion. And you’re starting to choose yourself without a second thought. That’s not selfish, that’s liberation! Maybe your life doesn’t look like a perfectly lit rom-com montage every day, but that doesn’t make the story any less valid. You are allowed to move at your own pace, to reimagine what a good life looks like, and to celebrate the small moments that make you feel like that grrrl. Not because someone else said so, but because you finally believe it yourself. So take the solo walk and buy the outfit that makes you feel like the best version of yourself, because you deserve a life that feels good from the inside out. You don’t need to be the loudest, the prettiest, or the most put-together grrrl in the room to take up space. Although all of you are the most beautiful grrrls I have ever had the privilege of speaking to. You just have to show up as you are and trust that that’s enough. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!