#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Let’s be real, the main character era is in full swing. Whether it’s TikToks about “delulu” confidence or aesthetic Pinterest boards titled “soft life summer,” the idea of romanticizing your life has officially moved from trend to lifestyle. And honestly? I get the appeal. Life can be hard and messy and entirely too ordinary sometimes. There’s something empowering about deciding to see your daily walk like a runway, or treating your solo grocery run like a plot point in a cheesy rom-com. Especially when the world feels heavy, it makes sense to want to tap into joy, fantasy, and imagination as a way of coping and thriving. There’s no shame in craving softness, spotlight, or a little sparkle in your everyday.But sometimes, the pressure to be the main character can feel like its own kind of performance. When every moment needs to be perfectly curated or content-worthy, it starts to feel less like you’re living your life and more like you’re auditioning for someone else’s. The self-love posts become comparisons, the romanticizing turns into overcompensation, and suddenly, “living your best life” just means being really good at pretending. Yasss grrrl give us nothing! The desire to feel seen, important, and special, when done with intention, can actually be a really powerful self-care tool. But without boundaries, it can quickly blur into a pressure-filled version of the same old perfectionism we’ve been trying to unlearn. You deserve to feel like the star of your life, even if the scene you’re in is just washing dishes in silence while a SZA song plays in the background.

Somewhere along the way, romanticizing your life stopped being about presence and started being about performance. What was once an invitation to slow down and notice the beauty in the everyday became yet another aesthetic to get right. Instead of being the main character of our own story, we got cast in a loop of aspirational content aka editing ourselves to match a vibe that doesn’t always fit our real lives. And yet, there’s something powerful about wanting to feel special. Black grrrls especially are taught to shrink, to disappear into roles, to care for everyone but ourselves. So when we start to lean into softness, attention, and finally letting ourselves be seen it’s a radical act of self-care. But what happens when the self you’re curating starts to overshadow the self you’re actually becoming? That’s where this week’s post begins. Because true main character energy isn’t about optics. It’s about awareness. It’s about choosing yourself over and over again without needing an audience to clap for it. And this summer, we’re making that choice daily. Whether you’re filming a get ready with me or just walking to the corner store in your favorite hoodie, your life is worth romanticizing, even if no one ever sees it but you.

The Pressure to Perform

Main character energy has been hijacked by the internet. What started as a cute affirmation of self-worth turned into a checklist of aesthetic milestones. You’re not just supposed to feel like the main character, you’re expected to look like one. Suddenly, it’s not enough to enjoy your morning coffee. It needs to be in a glass mug with perfect foam art. And if it didn’t happen on camera, did it even happen at all? The answer is yes grrrl! For Black grrrls especially, this aestheticized version of main characterhood can feel extra exhausting. We’re already fighting to be seen as soft, human, and deserving of attention without having to prove it with perfectly curated clips. The whole point of claiming main character energy was to reclaim autonomy and to be the author of your own story. But if your story starts feeling more like a production schedule than a personal journey, it might be time to call cut. Here’s the thing: real main character energy isn’t performative. It’s not about acting for an audience. It’s about paying attention to your life and allowing yourself to find meaning in the ordinary. It’s waking up and asking, “What do I need today?” instead of “What would make this moment more shareable?” If the vibe is soft, cool. If the vibe is crying in your bonnet while watching reruns of Sister Sister, that’s valid too. You don’t need a slow-mo montage to justify your joy. You don’t need perfectly lit content to prove you’re growing. Some of the most important character development happens in the quiet, in the ugly, in the in-between. That’s the stuff no one claps for. So if you find yourself falling into the trap of romanticizing your life for other people’s consumption, take a step back. Ask yourself: What would feel good right now if no one ever saw it? That’s your real main character energy. 

Feeling The Fantasy

Being delusional in small, joyful doses has become a survival tactic. A lot of us wouldn’t have made it through the last few years without a little fantasy. Whether it’s pretending we’re the star of a summer romance that hasn’t happened yet or swearing our iced coffee is actually a potion for productivity, we find ways to make the mundane feel magical. But when it comes to romanticizing your life in a way that supports your mental health, not everything needs to be aesthetic or escapist. Sometimes it’s about staying connected to what’s real while still letting your imagination stretch. Come back down to earth! Delulu isn’t just about pretending everything is fine when it’s not. It’s about learning to hold two truths at once: that things are hard, and also, that joy is possible. It’s not about detachment, it’s about survival. Think of it like daydreaming with a seatbelt on. You can picture the life you want while staying grounded in the one you have. That might look like setting up your budget while burning your favorite candle and playing the Beyoncé Renaissance album front to back. It might be cleaning your kitchen in a silk robe just because. The point isn’t to fake a life you don’t have. It’s to treat your current one with care and attention, even when things feel a little off track. So much of what we’re sold as “main character energy” is just marketing. It’s curated and airbrushed and filtered within an inch of its life. But real main character energy lives in the space where intention meets action. It’s not always pretty or poised, but it’s consistent. It shows up even when the plot’s a little boring.

Not A Vibe, It’s A Lifestyle

There’s a reason the idea of “main character energy” has stuck around. It’s not just a trend, it’s a craving. People want to feel seen, important, and in control of their own story. But the real work of being the main character is quiet, repetitive, and often deeply unglamorous. Say it again for the grrrlies in the back! It’s setting the alarm even when you don’t want to. It’s saying no to plans when you’re burnt out. It’s hyping yourself up in the mirror before a job interview, even if your stomach is in knots. Being the main character is less about being watched and more about being witnessed by yourself. You don’t need a dramatic arc to claim main character energy. What you need is a relationship with yourself where you don’t have to earn your own love or attention. You need to believe that even when your life isn’t giving plot twist or peak moment, it still matters. That belief is what changes how you show up, how you speak to yourself, and what you accept. It shifts your decisions from survival-based to intention-based. Suddenly you’re not just reacting to what’s happening, you’re choosing what happens next. And that’s where the soft life meets main character energy. It’s not about being passive. It’s about choosing ease, care, and direction, even when life is loud. A lot of grrrls feel like they’re waiting for permission to start living like they matter. Maybe they think they need to lose weight first, or get their money right, or have a more exciting job. But main character energy isn’t something you qualify for, it’s something you cultivate. It’s in your routines, your preferences, your boundaries. It’s in how you narrate your day to yourself. It’s in how you recover from setbacks, how you celebrate the little wins, and how you reintroduce yourself to your own reflection on a random Wednesday. You don’t need a camera crew or a soft launch or a perfect feed. You just need to stop playing a side character in your own life. You’re already the star!

If there’s one thing you should walk away with this week, it’s the knowing that your life doesn’t need to be flashy to be meaningful. You don’t have to do something viral or aesthetic or worth a storytime to be worthy of taking up space. A soft life is not a performance, it’s a practice, and routines that support that practice should feel like a collaboration, not a chore. You are allowed to move gently. You are allowed to move slowly. You are allowed to move in a way that doesn’t make sense to anyone but you. It’s not supposed to look like anyone else’s path. That’s why it’s yours. So if you’re in a season of stillness, or building something new behind the scenes, or just learning how to stop choosing chaos out of habit, you’re still the main character. You’re still doing the work. Don’t let pressure or perfection or people who don’t know your whole story convince you otherwise. And don’t let your feed convince you that transformation has to be big and dramatic to count. Some of the most powerful changes happen quietly, in the way you talk to yourself before bed or how you let your shoulders drop when no one’s watching. Give yourself the grace to live your soft life in real time. Let your routines reflect the version of you you’re becoming, not just the one you’ve had to be. It’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out yet. That’s not a flaw, that’s being human. The real flex is showing up anyway. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!