#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Summer has a way of filling up before you even realize it. One minute you are planning to rest, reset, and finally romanticize your hot grrrl walks. Next, you are double-booked every weekend with birthdays, barbecues, trips, happy hours, and someone’s random cousin’s “little get-together” that somehow turns into an all-day event. You tell yourself it is all fun. And sometimes it is. But somewhere between the calendar reminders and the group chat chaos, you realize you have not had a single moment to yourself. You are booked, yes. But are you being intentional with your time, or just filling space because you do not want to let anyone down? Be honest grrrl! This blog is not about canceling everything and going off the grid, although if that is your vibe, I support it. It is about taking a closer look at how your energy is being spent and whether your schedule actually reflects your priorities. Because radical self-care is not just about saying no. It is about asking what you want to say yes to. It is about creating a summer that feels like your own, not just a long list of things you said yes to out of obligation. When you move from alignment instead of autopilot, your calendar becomes a reflection of your values, not just your availability. And that is where the peace is.

Radical self-care in the summer often gets reduced to spa days and solo dates. And while we love a little treat-yourself moment, sometimes the most powerful act of care is deciding where your energy will and will not go. Especially for Black grrrls, summer can feel like a season where we are expected to show up for everybody and everything—weddings, family events, last-minute birthday trips, friend obligations, and spontaneous “come through!” texts that somehow turn into full-day affairs. But what happens when you’re running on fumes, even when your calendar is full of things you technically agreed to? What if some of those yeses were silent cries for space? This week, we are talking about how to build a summer that actually works for you. One that honors your needs, your nervous system, and your desire to do more than just survive until Labor Day. That means learning how to put boundaries on the calendar, even if nobody else is doing it. That means practicing self-trust when people try to guilt you for resting. That means making joy a non-negotiable, not an afterthought. You do not owe your time, your presence, or your energy to anyone who does not respect your peace. Especially not in your soft life era. That’s not shade, it’s scheduling! This summer, let’s stop overexplaining our need for balance and start celebrating it. Being busy is not a flex if it costs you your well-being. And when you protect your time like the sacred resource it is, you can be both booked and still have room left over to just be.

Practice Makes Perfect

Let’s be real, your calendar can fill up faster than your cup. And the gag is, it’s not even always with stuff you want to do. Suddenly, it’s cookouts, group trips, work deadlines, and that baby shower you somehow got roped into helping plan. It’s easy to treat your calendar like a shared doc that anyone can edit, but you’re the only one who has to live with the consequences. The burnout, the anxiety, the quiet resentment that sneaks in when you realize you said yes out of guilt, not joy. The truth is, boundaries aren’t just about saying no. They’re about protecting your yes. And part of that protection means scheduling rest, quiet, hobbies, even doing-nothing days. Not because you’re antisocial or flaky, but because you are committed to honoring your energy like the resource it is. This kind of radical self-care means shifting from reactive to intentional. Not waiting until you crash, but actively deciding: what kind of summer do I want to have? If you’re still new to your boundary-setting era, one of the hardest parts can be when someone puts you on the spot to answer.Cause of death: RSVP! It’s easy to say yes just because you don’t want to seem rude or take too long to respond, but you don’t owe anyone an immediate answer. Hit them with the: “Let me double check my schedule and get back to you,” or “Sounds fun! I’ll let you know once I’ve had a chance to think about it,” and keep it moving. That gives you breathing room without guilt-tripping yourself into a yes you didn’t mean. Protecting your peace and your group chat reputation? That’s a win-win! If you do have more time to decide, ask yourself: Will this give me energy or take it? Do I want to do this, or do I just feel like I should? Is this a yes that supports me, or a yes that’s trying to please someone else? These questions are tiny acts of self-respect that can change everything. Because the more you practice pausing before responding, the more you’ll realize that many of the things you thought were obligations were actually just habits. And habits can be unlearned. This summer, block time for joy and be unapologetic about it. That might look like logging off early, skipping a social invite, or taking yourself on a date with no phone, no agenda, no pressure. Give yourself permission to be booked with yourself first.

No Mo’ FOMO

We don’t talk enough about how hard it is to say no when the invite comes from someone you love. A best friend’s party, your cousin’s last-minute dinner, or that cute rooftop event everyone’s reposting. The guilt hits different when it’s attached to memories, loyalty, or FOMO. But here’s the thing: honoring your needs doesn’t mean you care any less. It means you are learning to care for yourself too. It’s not always easy, but it is worth it. Periodt! Boundaries don’t cancel connection. If anything, they protect it. When you’re running on empty, you’re not actually present, you’re just performing presence. Nodding while zoning out. Laughing while disassociating. Texting “so fun!!” while counting the minutes until you can leave. That’s not connection. That’s survival. And you deserve better than to show up halfway just to prove you’re a “good” friend, cousin, coworker, or guest. Sometimes radical self-care is about saying, “I really want to see you, but I’m tapped out this week. Can we plan something just us soon?” That one sentence can save you from an entire week of overstimulation, and it opens the door to deeper, more intentional connection. The people who love you will understand. And the ones who don’t? That’s data, because no one who actually values your presence would want you to betray yourself to earn it. This shift takes practice. You might start noticing how often you overextend yourself out of fear, fear of missing out, disappointing someone, or seeming selfish. But self-respect and self-protection are not selfish. They are skills. And like any skill, they get stronger the more you use them. The more you practice honoring your no, the more meaningful your yes becomes. The next time your calendar starts filling up, pause. Not to overthink, but to check in. Ask yourself: Am I doing this out of love or out of obligation? Will this replenish me or drain me? Do I have the capacity for this right now, or am I just afraid to say no? These are the questions that help you move from reaction to intention.

The Present Is A Gift

Let’s be real: there’s a difference between a full schedule and a full life. You can have brunch, book club, hot yoga, and three group chats buzzing and still feel deeply disconnected. Overbooking is often a coping mechanism. A way to avoid sitting still long enough to feel what you’re actually feeling. But rest is not a reward for productivity. And burnout is not a badge of honor. You’re not busy, you’re avoiding! When your identity is tied to being “the reliable one,” it’s hard to pull back. You worry that if you stop showing up for everyone, no one will show up for you. But radical self-care means unlearning that lie. It means trusting that you don’t have to perform usefulness to be worthy of love. You’re allowed to take up space without justifying it. And your value is not measured by how many plans you say yes to, especially when the “yes” comes at the cost of your peace. So what does this look like in practice? It might mean taking a social media break on weekends. Saying no to events that require you to shapeshift. Blocking off time in your calendar for literal nothing. It might also mean setting up a monthly check-in with yourself, asking, “Am I living on autopilot or am I actually present in my life?” These moments of pause are not lazy. They are data points for how well you are protecting your energy. Let this summer be the one where you stop mistaking constant movement for real momentum. Where your boundaries aren’t just a list of rules, but a blueprint for feeling safe in your own body. Because when you stop sprinting through every obligation and start curating your time with care, you create a life that feels less like an escape plan and more like a soft landing.

If no one told you, you are allowed to have a summer that actually feels good. Not just one that looks productive or sounds impressive when someone asks what you’ve been up to. A soft life is not a trend. It is a choice to center your wellness, your joy, and your boundaries on purpose. And guess what? You don’t have to earn it. Your calendar doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone. You can cancel the plans. You can leave the group chat. You can skip the event and still be a good friend, a good partner, a good grrrl. Radical self-care means giving yourself permission to build a life that sustains you, not one that depletes you. Even if people do not always understand it. Even if you are still learning how not to over-explain yourself. Even if rest feels awkward at first because it is so unfamiliar. If this summer is going to be anything, let it be yours. Let it be rooted in self-trust, not self-sacrifice. Let it be full of small moments where you remember who you are without needing to prove it. Let it be a turning point. Not because you went viral or hit a goal or had the busiest schedule ever, but because you decided to stop performing and start prioritizing your peace. You deserve a summer that holds you gently. One that makes room for your yeses, your noes, and everything in between. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!!