#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Let’s be real. Saying yes when we want to say no has become second nature for a lot of us. We agree to plans we do not enjoy, hold space we no longer have, and show up even when we are completely tapped out. And when summer hits, that pressure to be everywhere and do everything can make it even harder to slow down and check in with ourselves. Everyone wants to make the most of the season, but what if more is not actually what you need right now? This summer is about being intentional with your yes. Not the automatic yes. Not the guilt-fueled yes. Not the people-pleasing yes. The yes that feels aligned. The yes that reflects who you are and what you actually want. Saying yes to rest. Saying yes to joy. Saying yes to freedom, to spontaneity, to softness. Saying yes because it feeds you, not because it checks a box. Radical self-care means knowing that your time, your peace, and your energy are not up for negotiation. You are allowed to be discerning. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to protect your joy like it is your job, because in a lot of ways, it is.

There is something powerful about choosing joy without waiting for permission. For a lot of us, especially Black grrrls, joy has been framed as something that comes after everything else. After the goals. After the grind. After you have earned it. But that mindset keeps us stuck in survival mode. It teaches us to delay happiness instead of leaning into it when it is available. This summer, we are not holding joy hostage. We are not waiting for the perfect moment. We are choosing it now, in the in-between, even if the to-do list is not done and the inbox is still full. Your inbox will survive! Saying yes to what feeds you might not always look impressive from the outside. Sometimes it is saying no to another networking event because you would rather take a nap. Sometimes it is canceling a plan that felt more draining than fun. Sometimes it is letting your weekend be messy and unstructured instead of productive. The yes you are building this summer is not about performance. It is about presence. You do not have to prove your worth by staying busy. You do not have to explain why rest feels better than another social obligation. You just have to trust yourself. Let this be your reminder that your yes holds power. Every time you say yes to something aligned, you are saying no to something that is not. That is a boundary. That is clarity. That is radical self-care in action. You are allowed to be intentional about what you give your energy to, even when it surprises people. Especially when it surprises people.

Intuition IS The Invite

We are so used to making decisions based on what sounds good on paper that we forget to ask how something actually feels. You get the invite, you check your calendar, and you say yes before you even check in with yourself. Not because you want to go, but because you are available. Because you feel bad saying no. Because you are scared of being perceived as flakey or distant or selfish. But your intuition is not here to be polite. It is here to protect your energy. And if something feels off, that is a valid reason to pause. You are not imagining it, by the way! Choosing what to say yes to requires slowing down long enough to feel the difference between pressure and desire. That means paying attention to what lights you up and what secretly drains you. Who leaves you buzzing and who leaves you heavy. What makes your body unclench. What lets your nervous system relax. If your yes does not come from that place, it is probably not sustainable. And if your body is telling you something is a no, it is okay to listen even when your mind tries to rationalize it. This is where so many of us get stuck. We think we have to justify our choices in order for them to be valid. But there is a difference between acting on impulse and acting on intuition. Impulse is reactive. Intuition is grounded. It is not about escaping discomfort, it is about honoring your deeper needs before burnout sets in. When you start practicing that kind of discernment, it might feel weird at first. You might wonder if you are doing too much. But that is only because you are doing something new. Listening to yourself is a skill. And the more you do it, the more you build trust with your own instincts. Let this summer be a soft reset. A practice run for saying yes with your whole chest. Not because you are trying to prove something, but because you are finally ready to feel good on purpose.

Nothing Left To Say

When you start practicing discernment, one of the first things you will notice is how many things you used to engage with out of habit. The extra project at work. The friend’s drama. The invitation you accepted before even checking in with how you felt. A lot of us were taught that being a good friend, a good worker, or even just a good person means being endlessly available. But that kind of nonstop emotional labor is a fast track to resentment. Your attention is not an unlimited resource. You are allowed to be more selective. You do not owe anyone a yes just because you gave it freely in the past. Loyalty is not a life sentence! There is a difference between being present and being available. Presence is intentional. It is rooted in care. Availability is reactive. It is often rooted in fear or guilt. And if you are constantly reacting to what other people want from you, there is no time left to figure out what you actually want for yourself. The more you start paying attention to your default responses, the more you will realize how many of them are rooted in patterns you never chose. This is not about becoming distant or unbothered. It is about becoming self-aware enough to ask whether something deserves your energy at all. Saying no does not always mean you are setting a hard boundary with someone else. Sometimes it just means you are finally setting one with yourself. No, I do not need to perform my way into rest. No, I do not have to say yes to prove I am supportive. No, I am not available to overextend myself just because I used to. Your yes becomes more powerful when it is backed by honesty, not obligation. This summer, give yourself permission to let silence be a response. Let your peace be more important than your people-pleasing reflex. Let your no be loving, clear, and unapologetic. You are not here to manage everyone else’s experience of you. You are here to feel aligned in your own life. Start there.

Ride Or Die

The idea that being dependable means being available at all times has never served us. Especially not Black grrrls. Especially not those of us raised to prioritize everyone else’s needs before our own. Somewhere along the way, we learned to ignore our own capacity in the name of being helpful, supportive, easy to love. But your capacity is not just how much you can hold. It is how much you are willing to hold without sacrificing yourself in the process. And that number can shift every day. You are allowed to honor that. That’s SOO yesterday!! The truth is, capacity is not a fixed identity. It is not a badge of honor. It is a fluctuating measurement that depends on your health, your energy, your responsibilities, your emotions, and your current level of burnout. And pretending you are always good just to keep the peace only makes things worse. Sometimes your no will confuse people. Sometimes your silence will frustrate them. Sometimes choosing yourself will make people question your priorities. But that discomfort is not yours to carry. You do not owe anyone a version of you that feels easier to access. You do not have to explain why you are no longer available for things that used to drain you. This is the part of the summer where it might feel like you are shedding old habits without being sure what is replacing them yet. That limbo can be awkward. It can make you wonder if you are doing too much or letting people down. But clarity does not always come with immediate confirmation. Sometimes the peace shows up after the boundary. Sometimes the freedom shows up after the decision. Sometimes the alignment shows up after the no. You just have to trust that your body knows when it is done, even if your mind is still catching up. So if your version of summer joy looks like canceling plans, leaving the group chat on read, or watering your plants in silence with your phone on do not disturb, let it. You are not falling off. You are not being selfish. You are learning how to protect your capacity before it disappears completely. That is not avoidance. That is care.

Saying yes to yourself is not selfish. It is not dramatic. It is not something you have to apologize for. It is how you rebuild trust with your body, your boundaries, and your needs. And it is a skill that takes practice. At first it might feel awkward. You might overexplain. You might wonder if you are being rude or letting people down. But you are not here to be consumed. You are here to be cared for. And that starts with you. This summer, give yourself full permission to protect your peace. To say yes without guilt and no without explanation. To let your joy be a priority, not a side effect of everything else being handled. There will always be more plans, more invites, more people asking for your time. But there is only one you. And you deserve to spend time with yourself like you matter. hBecause you literally do!!! So whether your version of summer is slow, silly, spontaneous, or soft, let it be yours. Let it come from a place that feels real, not rehearsed. Let your yes be rooted in alignment, not obligation. And let your peace be the thing that guides you forward, even when it surprises people. You do not have to earn this softness. You do not have to explain it. You just have to claim it. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!