#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS There’s something about summer that makes you want to be surrounded by good energy. Maybe it’s the sunlight, maybe it’s the iced lattes, or maybe it’s the fact that when things warm up, the fake stuff starts to feel even more exhausting. This season, we’re not dragging heavy energy into the group chat. We’re not showing up just because we “should.” And we’re definitely not twisting ourselves into people-pleasing shapes just to survive the cookout. This summer? We are curating our joy. And that includes the people we let close. Because radical self-care isn’t just about what you do for yourself, it’s about the spaces you protect, the people you trust, and the energy you allow to stay. That’s why this post is dedicated to chosen family, safe friendships, and the grrrls who show up for each other for real. In honor of Pride Month, I also want to name that this blog is a safe space for queer readers, not just in theory, but in practice. While I can’t speak from firsthand experience, I can say clearly and without fluff: You deserve care. You deserve joy. You deserve people who don’t make you flinch, shrink, or over-explain. This month, we’re making space for softness and celebration. For safety that doesn’t need to be earned. For friendships that hold you up, not weigh you down. Because being seen, supported, and affirmed shouldn’t be the exception. It should be the default. And if it’s not, well… let’s build it ourselves.

The truth is, a lot of us have spent years being polite about the things that hurt us. Laughing off passive-aggressive comments. Shrugging off backhanded compliments. Making excuses for friends who were never really for us. And for Black grrrls especially, there is this quiet pressure to power through discomfort without ever naming it. But this summer, we are not biting our tongues just to keep the peace. We are not holding space for people who never return the favor. And we are definitely not calling folks “close” just because they know your middle name and where your mom works. This season is about creating room to breathe. Emotionally. Mentally. Energetically. That might mean spending time with your inner circle more intentionally, or reconnecting with the grrrls who actually make you feel like yourself. It might mean leaning into queer joy, choosing community on your own terms, or finally muting that group chat you have been spiritually done with since February. Cut off game STRONG! Whatever that looks like, this summer is yours to curate. And if this season feels different in a way you cannot quite name, that might be a sign you are growing. Maybe it feels more honest. Maybe it feels more tender. Maybe you are more protective of your peace than ever before. All of that is valid. Not everything deserves access to your softness. Not everyone is meant to go with you. And you are allowed to move through summer choosing affirmation over obligation, every single time.

Good Vibes Only

Sometimes we act like “vibe checks” are just for Instagram captions or group selfies, but the truth is, energy matters. It sets the tone for every room we walk into and every relationship we keep. This summer is not about who you’ve known the longest or who texts you the most. It is about who feels safe. Who feels nourishing. Who makes you feel like yourself instead of someone you have to perform. We are not giving out emotional backstage passes to people who do not even know how to clap when we win. Yasss grrrl give us nothing! Creating safe, affirming spaces starts with how you feel in your own body around other people. If you are constantly overthinking how to act, preparing for subtle jabs, or recovering from side-eye that cuts a little too deep, that is not safety. That is performance. And performance is exhausting. Safe energy is about being able to take a deep breath. It is about the friends who let you vent without judgment, laugh without censoring, and change without guilt. It is about being in spaces where you do not have to translate yourself. And that goes for everyone in your orbit, including romantic partners, friend groups, and yes, even family members. If you are queer or questioning, this becomes even more important. Because let’s be honest, plenty of people claim to be allies until it gets inconvenient. Until you bring your partner to the function. Until you speak up about a joke that did not land. Until you ask for your pronouns to be respected. When we say chosen family, we are not just talking about friends. We are talking about people who affirm your full self. People who love you in the light, not just behind closed doors. People who do not treat your identity like a political inconvenience. You do not need to justify why something feels off. You do not need to argue for your own humanity. You do not need to keep giving chances to people who make you feel small. Summer is short, but your peace is not seasonal. This is the moment to pay attention to how you feel around people and to believe what your body tells you. You are not being dramatic. You are being discerning. And that is a form of radical self-care too.

Safety First

Anxiety does not happen in a vacuum. It happens in context. And for Black grrrls, that context is layered. We are navigating not just personal pressures, but systemic ones. Racism. Sexism. Classism. All of the above and more. We are carrying the weight of representation, the fear of confirming stereotypes, the pressure to always be twice as good for half the credit. It’s giving LAME! Affirming energy shows up in the little things. It is friends who ask how you are doing and actually listen. It is people who do not make jokes at your expense just to get a laugh. It is being able to have a real conversation without the fear of it turning into a weird power struggle or competition. If you find yourself constantly bracing for impact before sharing something personal, that is a red flag. If you feel worse after hanging out, that is data. And if you are constantly carrying the emotional labor of the entire friend group, you might not be in a friendship… You might be in unpaid community management. A safe community is not about having a perfect circle. It is about mutual care. Accountability. Joy. Inside jokes that are actually funny and not coded insults. And space to evolve without guilt. Especially for Black grrrls and queer folks who are used to being the one everyone leans on, this kind of care can feel unfamiliar. Sometimes, even suspicious. But it is real. And you deserve it. Your friendships should not leave you emotionally overdrawn. You are not asking for too much just because you want to feel safe in your closest spaces. So reconnect where it makes sense. And be open to the new connections trying to come in now that you are making space. The grrrls who are meant for you will never ask you to shrink in order to stay. And when you stop tolerating people who treat you like a burden, you leave room for the ones who love you like a blessing.

Rewrite The Rules

One of the biggest lies we are taught is that love, support, and celebration have to come from certain places. That your deepest bonds should always be family. That your longest friendships are automatically your safest ones. That if someone loves you, they will always get it right. But the truth is, love without safety is not sustainable. And history does not equal harmony. You are allowed to rewrite the rules for what connection looks like in your life. You are allowed to redefine what community means to you. Building affirming relationships starts with asking yourself what you actually need. Not what looks good. Not what is familiar. Not what will keep the peace. You might need softness. You might need more listening and less advice. You might need someone who understands your silence instead of always trying to fix it. You might need a martini! You do not need to settle for one-sided emotional labor just because someone loves you in their own way. If their love constantly comes with harm, confusion, or guilt, that is not love that knows how to hold you. This summer is about honoring your full self. The version of you that is still healing. The version of you that is blossoming. The version of you that is loud, soft, quiet, powerful, queer, questioning, evolving, or still figuring it all out. And it is about doing that without apology. The people who are right for you will not need you to shrink. They will not put conditions on your joy. They will celebrate the wholeness of who you are, even if you are still learning how to hold that for yourself. So let this summer be a practice run for the kind of life you want to live year-round. One where love is not just present, it is safe. Where your friends hype you up in public and check on you in private. Where chosen family is not a fallback option, it is a sacred choice. You deserve that kind of care. You always have.

It is not dramatic to want safety. It is not too much to want ease. And it is not ungrateful to say, “This friendship does not feel good anymore.” You do not owe your energy to people who drain you. And you do not have to keep entertaining relationships that no longer fit just because they were there when you needed them once. Growth changes your needs. Healing changes your standards. And radical self-care means allowing your community to evolve with you. If this summer becomes the season you finally prioritize what makes you feel seen, held, and affirmed, let that be something you celebrate. If you start choosing peace over obligation, softness over survival mode, and alignment over nostalgia, that is not failure. That is you choosing yourself on purpose. And the beautiful thing about chosen family, chosen community, and chosen joy is that it is not about perfection. It is about presence. It is about care that feels consistent, honest, and safe. So here is to the grrrls who love you loudly. The ones who respect your boundaries. The ones who make room for all of your layers, not just the ones that are easy to hold. Here is to the energy you are protecting and the new connections you are calling in. You deserve friendships that feel like safety. You deserve support that does not require translation. You deserve softness without explanation. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!