#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Have you ever noticed how routines somehow got branded as boring? Like the second you say you’re trying to be “more consistent,” everyone assumes you’re about to turn into a color-coded robot who eats the same three meals and goes to bed at 9PM. And to be fair, some of the content out there is not helping. The way social media makes you think that every routine needs to include celery juice, a 12-step skincare lineup, and a gratitude journal written in cursive calligraphy… please be serious. Somewhere along the way, we stopped asking what actually works for us and started copying what just looks good on screen. But routines aren’t supposed to be performance art. They’re supposed to help us feel more grounded, more supported, and more like ourselves. Where my Type C grrrlies at??? And yet, if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably gone through phases of thinking that a routine is only valid if it’s intense. Like, if you’re not doing it perfectly, it doesn’t count. Or worse, if you’re not seeing overnight results, then you must be doing something wrong. That mindset is not only exhausting, it’s unsustainable. Because the truth is, soft structure still counts. You don’t have to be a drill sergeant to be disciplined. You don’t have to follow a rigid script to feel like your days have purpose. Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is design a routine around what makes you feel safe, energized, and alive. This week’s post is about reimagining routines that center joy, not just discipline. Let’s talk about how to build a rhythm that actually honors the grrrl you are becoming.

There’s something powerful about a routine that feels like it belongs to you. Not one you copied off TikTok or one that came from a wellness influencer with a team of assistants, but something that reflects your actual life, energy, and needs. When we talk about being that grrrl, it’s not just a look or a vibe. It’s a feeling. And more often than not, that feeling comes from the little systems you put in place to support yourself when no one’s watching. Because real main character energy doesn’t come from chaos. It comes from clarity. From knowing what makes you feel your best and being unafraid to build a life around it. Even if your version of a morning routine includes doom scrolling in bed for ten minutes, or reheating last night’s takeout for breakfast. Pizza a la Fridge, anyone? So many of us were taught that discipline had to hurt to be effective. That anything soft, slow, or joyful couldn’t possibly count as “getting it together.” But what if the most luxurious routine is one that actually makes you want to show up for yourself every day? One that’s flexible enough to account for bad sleep or mood swings, but steady enough to anchor you when life feels unsteady. Especially for Black grrrls, queer grrrls, and neurodivergent grrrls, the idea of following someone else’s blueprint doesn’t always work. We need tools that match our nervous systems. We need structure that feels kind. We need to let go of the guilt around not doing it all and instead start celebrating the fact that we are doing what we can, how we can.

Grrrl, Interrupted

If you want to build a routine that truly supports you, the first step is to stop copying routines that don’t. It sounds simple, but it’s surprisingly hard to let go of the aesthetic pressure. We see grrrls online with 5 a.m. workouts, matcha lattes, and color-coded calendars and assume that’s what productivity looks like. But if that routine doesn’t align with your energy, values, or responsibilities, it’s not aspirational, it’s just exhausting. Nothing is empowering about trying to make your real life fit into someone else’s Pinterest board. And before you know it, the routine that was supposed to help you feel more in control ends up making you feel behind, disorganized, and weirdly guilty for not being a morning person. Sorry, not sorry!! Instead of chasing someone else’s version of order, start by taking inventory of your own patterns. Are you most alert at night? Do you struggle with decision fatigue in the mornings? Are weekends your actual rest time or your catch-up chaos zone? A routine that feels good should match your life, not compete with it. For example, maybe instead of trying to force a full meal prep every Sunday, you pick two weeknights for quick batch cooking. Maybe your skincare routine lives in the kitchen because that’s the only space with decent lighting. Maybe your journaling habit happens at 11 p.m. while watching reruns because that’s when your brain finally shuts up. There is no rulebook. The only “right” way is the one that doesn’t make you dread your own schedule. This is especially true for Black grrrls who are often juggling not just tasks, but the emotional labor of navigating microaggressions, code-switching, and collective fatigue. A routine that doesn’t account for emotional energy is incomplete. The goal here isn’t just to do more. It’s to feel better. And that might mean your routine has built-in space for crying on the floor for ten minutes before answering emails. Or lying in bed for half an hour after work because your body needs decompression time. These moments don’t make you lazy. They make you human.You deserve a routine that feels like a soft place to land, not a performance to keep up. When you give yourself permission to break up with routines that don’t serve you, you also give yourself room to find what does.

Main Character Maintenance

Sometimes we don’t realize how disconnected we’ve become from ourselves until we slow down and try to build something that fits. That’s the magic of routine, it brings things into focus. It’s not just about structure. It’s about self-connection. A thoughtfully built routine can help you remember who you are when you’re not rushing, reacting, or stretching yourself thin. It becomes a way of checking in with yourself and re-grounding in your needs instead of defaulting to other people’s expectations. But to get there, you have to get honest. What are you doing because it actually nourishes you, and what are you doing because it looks good on paper? We are not taught to ask those questions. Especially not as Black grrrls, who are often conditioned to prove our worth through productivity, to fill every hour with purpose, to always be three steps ahead just to keep up. So when we do start asking what we want, it can feel unfamiliar. It might even feel selfish or frivolous. But choosing what makes you feel alive isn’t self-indulgent. It’s clarifying. If the thought of creating a routine makes you feel overwhelmed, zoom out. What is one small thing you could do daily or weekly that helps you feel more like you? It could be putting on earrings every morning before logging on for work, setting a 10-minute timer to clean instead of tackling your entire apartment, or having a little wind-down ritual that separates your day from your night. Cue the dramatic hair clip removal! The point is not perfection, it’s presence. You’re not designing a schedule to earn rest or to prove how well you’ve got it together. You’re designing a system of care that helps you show up as yourself more fully. That might mean your routine changes with the seasons, or that it includes rest stops on hard days. You might notice certain tasks are easier to do on days when you start with movement. Or that you actually enjoy reading more when it’s not forced into a 6 a.m. time block. These are data points. Not failures. Listening to your patterns is how you refine the routine. And refining is what turns your routine into a lifestyle, not just a to-do list. You are the main character of your life, not the assistant to someone else’s. So your routine should reflect your needs, not a curated mix of what other people are doing. The things that bring you joy, clarity, and grounding are not extra; they are essential. When you build a routine around what actually works for you, you’re not just getting organized. You’re getting intentional.

Stop Schedule Shaming

There’s something powerful about trying again quietly. No grand rebrands, no dramatic announcements, just a new rhythm that reflects who you’re becoming. Building a routine doesn’t have to mean overhauling your life overnight. Sometimes the most sustainable shifts happen when we let ourselves evolve without forcing a full reveal. That’s the spirit of a soft launch. It’s an invitation to try things out, stay curious, and give yourself space to grow into your next chapter without needing it to be perfect or public right away. This is especially helpful when your routine is part of healing something deeper. Maybe you’re unlearning urgency. Maybe you’re trying to break out of burnout cycles or show up for yourself in ways no one else ever did. That takes time. And pressure to get it right on the first try just makes it harder. So don’t be afraid to move in drafts. Try your morning walk in the afternoon. Move your journaling to night. Swap your daily meditation for cooking with music. Your routine should be flexible enough to reflect your life as it is, not as it looks in your Pinterest board. Soft launches also help you get real about what’s working versus what’s aspirational. You don’t need to perform productivity or wellness to feel accomplished. You need to feel supported by your own habits. Let go of the rigid morning routines you saved during your hustle era. Let go of the shame around “falling off.” You’re not falling. You’re adapting. That’s what routines are meant to do. You can always pick things back up, move things around, or leave behind what doesn’t feel aligned anymore. You’re not married to your to-do list, grrrl! And maybe that’s the biggest plot twist of all: your most fulfilling routines probably won’t look like anyone else’s. They might be weird. Or unstructured. Or slow. They might look like watering your plants at night with a face mask on. Or making playlists to match your moods so you have something to reach for when words feel hard. These rituals don’t need to impress anyone. They just need to work for you. They are how you say, “I matter” even when the world tries to rush or overlook you. So take the pressure off. Let your routine be your own little secret until it feels like second nature. You don’t need to prove you’re healing to be healing. This summer, try letting your routine support your soft life instead of disrupting it.

Routines get a bad rap for being boring, but when they’re rooted in radical self-care, they become your daily love letter to yourself. This month wasn’t about becoming someone new. It was about remembering who you are and making space to support her every single day. Your schedule is not a punishment or a performance. It’s your personal ecosystem. The way you move through time should reflect what matters to you, not what’s expected from you. Choosing routines that match your values, your energy, and your joy is one of the most powerful forms of self-respect there is. And if you’re not there yet, that’s okay too. The soft life is not a race. If you’re still navigating survival mode, if you’re still learning how to rest without guilt or build consistency without burnout, give yourself some grace. Growth is happening even when it’s slow. Especially when it’s slow. You don’t have to show receipts to prove that you’re evolving. You just have to keep trying. Every time you choose to check in with yourself, to notice your needs, or to protect your peace, you’re rewriting the script. So let your routines be simple. Let them be weird. Let them be yours. Light a candle when you journal. Set a timer when you doom scroll. Wear the outfit that makes you feel like the main character, even if it’s just to wash dishes. There are no rules here except the ones you make for yourself. Because the soft life isn’t about looking healed. It’s about actually being at peace. You get to decide what that looks like. You get to decide what that feels like. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!