#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Have y’all ever noticed how Black women are expected to be everything for everyone—but somehow, ease and softness are never part of the equation? Like, we’re supposed to be the backbone, the nurturer, the fixer, the strong one. But what about us? What about joy, abundance, luxury, rest? Why is struggle treated like a rite of passage while ease is seen as some far-off reward we have to “earn”? I don’t know about you, but I’m officially unsubscribing from the idea that suffering is a prerequisite for success. The soft life is not a privilege. It is not something reserved for “later.” The soft life is our birthright, and we are claiming it now. And before anybody hits me with the “But our ancestors worked too hard for us to take it easy” speech—let’s actually unpack that. Yes, they worked. Yes, they sacrificed. But do you really think they did all of that just so we could be out here romanticizing exhaustion? Do you think they endured struggle so we could make suffering a personality trait? No, ma’am. Our ancestors didn’t push through hardships so we could repeat them. They wanted better—for themselves, for their children, for us.

And “better” doesn’t mean working ourselves into the ground for validation. It means breaking cycles, choosing ease, and allowing ourselves to experience joy without guilt. Somewhere along the way, we were sold a lie—the idea that struggle makes us stronger, that the more we endure, the more worthy we become. And sure, resilience is beautiful, but why is it always required of us? Why do we have to break ourselves down just to prove we’re built for the pressure? Grrrl, at some point, we have to ask: What happens when we stop surviving and start thriving? What does life look like when we finally allow ourselves to exist in abundance, softness, and peace without guilt? Because the truth is, struggle is not a badge of honor—it’s a cycle. And the soft life? That’s how we break it. This week, we’re talking about why ease is our birthright, why we deserve to move through life without exhaustion being the price of admission, and how we can start welcoming more softness into our lives right now.

The Struggle Olympics

Let’s be real—Black women have been conditioned to believe that if we’re not struggling, we’re not doing enough. Hustle culture told us that “no days off” is something to be proud of. Social media tried to convince us that if we’re not booked and busy 24/7, we must be falling behind. Even in our families, how many times have we heard the phrase “Nothing in life comes easy” like it’s scripture? And listen, I get it. Many of us grew up watching the women before us push through—working twice as hard for half as much, sacrificing rest, joy, and even their health just to keep everything afloat. But grrrl, at what point do we decide that we deserve more? Because the truth is, ease is not a sign of weakness, and struggling is not some divine initiation into success. There is no trophy for being the most overworked, the most exhausted, or the most self-sacrificing. We don’t get extra credit for putting ourselves last. The real flex is choosing peace when the world expects you to choose pain. And let’s talk about why we’ve been conditioned to treat struggle like an achievement. Think about it—how often do we hear people brag about how tired they are? How much they’ve sacrificed? How they “don’t have time to rest” because they’re too busy grinding? It’s as if exhaustion has become a status symbol, like the more drained you are, the more successful you must be. But let’s call it what it really is: conditioning. We were taught that if we aren’t struggling, we must be slacking. That if we aren’t constantly proving ourselves, we must not be worthy of what we have. That if we don’t earn our blessings through blood, sweat, and tears, they don’t really count. And that? That’s a lie. A scam. A mindset designed to keep us running on fumes while everyone else reaps the benefits of our labor.

You Deserve Good Things

Grrrl, let me say this loud and clear: you deserve good things. Not just when you’ve worked yourself to the bone. Not just after you’ve “earned” them. Not just as a reward for making it through struggle. You deserve ease, softness, and abundance simply because you exist. But if you’ve ever felt uncomfortable with the idea of life being too easy, you’re not alone. We’ve been conditioned to believe that if something comes without stress, sacrifice, or suffering, it must not be real. That if we’re not exhausted, we must not be working hard enough. That if we’re resting, someone else is outworking us, and we’re about to fall behind. But who, exactly, are we competing with? And why are we fighting so hard for a seat at a table that was never built for our comfort? Because let’s be honest—this “grind until you make it” mindset is not serving us. It’s keeping us stuck. It’s keeping us exhausted, stretched thin, and always chasing the next thing instead of actually enjoying what we’ve already built. And let’s not forget the way guilt creeps in the second we start embracing softness. Have you ever had a moment where things were finally good, and instead of soaking it in, your brain went straight to, “Okay, but what’s next?” Or worse, “Do I even deserve this?” That’s survival mode talking, and it’s time to shut it down. You do not have to stay in a constant state of struggle just because it’s familiar. You do not have to prove your worth through exhaustion. You are already worthy. So, what if we decided to let life be easy? What if we stopped treating joy like an afterthought and started making it the standard? What if we allowed ourselves to rest, to receive, to expect good things instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop? Because the truth is, we don’t break generational cycles by repeating them. We don’t honor the sacrifices of those who came before us by running ourselves into the ground the same way they had to. We honor them by choosing to live the lives they dreamed of—ones filled with softness, abundance, and peace. And if that still feels radical to you, let me put it like this: You are not here just to work, struggle, and survive. You are here to live. And that life? It should feel good.

Softness is Not Weakness

We were taught that being “soft” is the same as being weak. That if we aren’t constantly on guard, we’ll be taken advantage of. That if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, life will eat us alive. And sure, there’s truth in being cautious—many of us had to develop thick skin just to survive. But what if I told you that softness is not the opposite of strength? That choosing rest, joy, and ease isn’t about being weak—it’s about being wise? Grrrl, there is nothing smart about choosing struggle when softness is an option. There is nothing powerful about burnout. And honestly? It takes more strength to set boundaries, walk away from things that drain you, and prioritize your own peace than it does to keep proving how much you can endure. And let’s talk about boundaries, because softness isn’t just about naps and bubble baths (even though those are very much welcome). Softness is about protecting your peace. It’s about not explaining yourself when you say “no.” It’s about giving yourself permission to walk away from anything that feels heavy on your spirit. Because let’s be honest—so much of our exhaustion comes from overextending ourselves for things that do not serve us. Being available for everyone. Saying yes when we want to say no. Pushing through when we know we need a break. But imagine if we redirected all that energy into ourselves. What if we allowed our lives to feel lighter? What if we gave ourselves the grace we so freely give to others? Softness is not something you wait for. It’s something you choose. It’s not something that will magically happen when you hit a certain income level, relationship status, or career milestone. Softness starts when you decide that you are done earning what you already deserve. And the second you embrace it, you start to realize that life is not meant to be survived—it is meant to be enjoyed.

Grrrl, enough is enough. You are not in competition to see who can suffer the most. You do not have to prove your worth through burnout. Struggle is not a prerequisite for success, and it’s definitely not the price you have to pay for happiness. You are allowed to want more. More ease. More joy. More peace. And the moment you stop believing that suffering makes you better, you start realizing that ease makes you free. So, let this be your reminder: You are not required to prove your worth through suffering. You are allowed to move through life with ease, grace, and joy. You are allowed to be soft in a world that tried to make you hard. And that softness? That is where your real power lies. choosing ease is not just about self-care—it’s about breaking cycles. It’s about rejecting the idea that your worth is measured by how much you can endure. It’s about creating a life where joy, rest, and abundance are the standard, not the exception. The soft life is not about luxury for luxury’s sake—it’s about reclaiming your right to live fully, to exist without exhaustion being the price of admission. And if that feels radical, that’s because it is. But guess what? Every major shift in history started with someone deciding they deserved better. So this week, I challenge you to lean into softness. Take something off your plate. Say no without explaining. Let yourself rest without guilt. Romanticize your own peace.Now go and be great, you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!