#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Anxiety is not always the dramatic meltdown we see on TV. Sometimes it is showing up early to everything because you are scared of being judged. Sometimes it is rereading a text three times before sending it. Sometimes it is overexplaining yourself when no one even asked. Overthink much? For Black grrrls, anxiety can show up even more quietly, and sometimes even more invisibly. We are expected to be strong, poised, unbothered. We are celebrated for how well we carry stress, not how well we care for ourselves. And because anxiety does not always look like panic attacks, it is often dismissed or misunderstood. We end up calling it being high-strung, being a perfectionist, or being “just tired.” We call it everything except what it is, disregulation. This blog post is about getting real with ourselves. About noticing where anxiety is living in our bodies, our relationships, and our routines. About letting go of the shame that says we have to keep it together all the time. And about giving ourselves permission to name what we are carrying instead of minimizing it.

This blog post is for the grrrls who are tired of pretending they are fine when their body is saying otherwise. It is for the ones who overthink, who people please, who feel like they have to manage every room they walk into. It is for the ones who have learned to live with anxiety so well that they barely recognize it as anxiety anymore. Anxiety is not just a personal flaw to fix. It is a response to living in systems that constantly put pressure on you to be more, do more, and tolerate more. For Black grrrls, that pressure is compounded. We navigate stereotypes that tell us to be unshakable, workplaces that question our professionalism if we show emotion, communities that sometimes shame mental health struggles instead of supporting them. Disregulation is not a sign that you are broken. It is a sign that your body and spirit are responding to real stressors in real time. This week on the blog, we are unpacking the many faces of anxiety. We are talking about how it shows up in Black grrrlhood in ways that often go unseen. And we are naming why recognizing our emotional landscapes is not a weakness. It is survival. It is care. It is power.

Anxiety in Disguise

Most of us are not taught to recognize anxiety when it does not look like someone having a visible panic attack. Especially as Black grrrls, we learn to frame anxiety through more socially acceptable labels. We call it being driven. We call it being detail-oriented. We call it being the dependable one. We call it being employee of the month! Anxiety often hides in the behaviors we get praised for. The perfectionism that pushes you to triple-check every email. The people-pleasing that makes you say yes even when you are drowning. The need to overprepare for every possible outcome so you do not get blindsided. These patterns do not always read as struggle to the outside world. They read as responsibility, ambition, resilience. But inside, they feel like constant pressure. Like you are holding your breath without realizing it. Disregulation means your nervous system is stuck in a state of hypervigilance. You are scanning for danger even when you are safe. You are preparing for disappointment even when things are going well. You are tensing up before anything even goes wrong. And the longer you live in that state, the more it feels normal. Until eventually, peace feels unfamiliar. Slowness feels suspicious. Rest feels risky. Recognizing anxiety in disguise is not about diagnosing yourself with every mental health buzzword. It is about being honest about how you are experiencing your own life. Are you constantly exhausted even when you are technically rested? Are you overcommitted because saying no feels unsafe? Are you struggling to celebrate wins because you are already bracing for the next hit? These are not just quirks. They are clues. Naming what is happening does not make you weak. It makes you conscious. It makes you powerful. Because once you recognize anxiety for what it is, you can stop blaming yourself for not “handling it better” and start giving yourself the care you actually deserve.

Not for Nothing

Anxiety does not happen in a vacuum. It happens in context. And for Black grrrls, that context is layered. We are navigating not just personal pressures, but systemic ones. Racism. Sexism. Classism. All of the above and more. We are carrying the weight of representation, the fear of confirming stereotypes, the pressure to always be twice as good for half the credit. No chill and absolutely no choice! When the world is constantly questioning your worth, your professionalism, your right to take up space, anxiety becomes more than just nerves. It becomes armor. It becomes vigilance. It becomes a constant readiness to defend your existence. And even when you know better intellectually, your body still remembers the tension. Your nervous system still holds the score. This is why “just relax” advice feels so hollow. You cannot deep-breathe your way out of systemic stress. You cannot meditate your way past structural inequity. That does not mean healing is impossible. It means we have to be real about what we are healing from. It means understanding that our anxiety is not just personal. It is also political. It is also historical. Knowing this helps remove the shame. It helps you stop seeing your anxiety as a personal failure and start seeing it as a natural response to unnatural pressures. It helps you meet yourself with more compassion instead of frustration. It helps you recognize that while you are responsible for your healing, you are not to blame for your hurt. For Black grrrls, healing from anxiety is not just about calming down. It is about reclaiming space. Reclaiming softness. Reclaiming the right to exist without being hyperaware every second. And that work is slow, sacred, and absolutely worth it.

Time To Regulate

Healing from anxiety is not about never feeling anxious again. It is about learning how to bring yourself back to center when the world pulls you off balance. It is about creating habits and environments that feel safe enough for your body to stop bracing for impact. Regulation over reputation. Regulation looks different for everyone. It might mean slowing down your mornings instead of rushing out the door. It might mean setting boundaries with people who drain you. It might mean building rituals that remind your body it is safe now. Small things that build trust with yourself again. It is also important to note that some people are born with nervous systems that lean toward disregulation. Anxiety is not always the result of external stress. Sometimes it is part of how your body is wired from the beginning. And that does not mean you are broken or doing something wrong. It just means you might need more support, and seeking that support is a form of regulation too. Therapy, medication, somatic work, and community care can all be powerful tools for healing. You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to get resourced. And you are allowed to make your mental health a priority. If you are looking for a place to start, resources like Therapy for Black Girls can help you find culturally competent support that actually sees you. Part of regulation is being honest about what you need instead of pretending everything is fine. It is asking for help when the spiral starts instead of after it has taken over. It is resting when you are tired instead of waiting until you have nothing left. It is listening to the whispers of your body before they become screams. You are not being dramatic for feeling overwhelmed. You are not weak for needing time to reset. You are not broken because you carry anxiety. You are alive, responsive, and doing the best you can with the tools you have.

Anxiety is not a personal failure. It is a signal. A response. A reminder that your body and spirit are paying attention. You do not have to be ashamed of how your nervous system moves through the world. You do not have to pretend you are fine just to be accepted. You are allowed to feel what you feel without apology. Recognizing disregulation is not about labeling yourself. It is about freeing yourself. It is about understanding that what you are feeling makes sense, even if the world around you has not always made space for it. It is about choosing care over judgment. Support over silence. Regulation over survival mode. This Mental Health Awareness Month, give yourself permission to name what you are carrying, to get support. and to build a life where your peace is prioritized, not treated like an afterthought. Healing is not about becoming someone new. It is about remembering who you were before the world convinced you that being tense, exhausted, and overextended was normal. You are not too much. You are not weak. You are not a burden. You are a whole person deserving of whole care. The work of tending to your mental health is not a side quest. It is the main thing. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!!