#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS we need to talk about anger. Not the kind that shows up in memes or gets turned into a punchline, but the kind that builds over time. The kind that simmers under the surface until one small thing tips the scale. The kind that makes people call you aggressive, dramatic, or hard to work with, when really you’re just exhausted. If you’ve ever been told you need to calm down while your boundaries are being trampled, this post is for you. And if you’ve ever actually calmed down and realized you were still mad? Also for you. Black grrrls aren’t given a lot of room to express anger. We’re expected to keep the peace, stay pleasant, and be grateful no matter what. But constantly suppressing anger doesn’t make it go away. It just redirects it inward into stress, anxiety, chronic tension, and burnout. And while it might feel easier to stay quiet, that silence comes at a cost. Because anger doesn’t just disappear. It shows up in the body, in our relationships, and in the way we show up for ourselves. This post is not about justifying rage for the sake of being loud. It’s about understanding that anger is a valid emotional response to harm, disrespect, and unmet needs. Especially when you’ve been taught to smile through it. We’re digging into the emotional labor of managing anger while Black, why it matters for our mental health, and how we can start honoring our anger without letting it consume us.

This blog post is about reclaiming anger as a real and valid part of your emotional landscape not something to hide, fear, or shame yourself for. Anger is information. It is a signal that a boundary has been crossed, that a need has gone unmet, that something is not right. When we listen to it instead of swallowing it, we get closer to the truth of what we actually need. Unresolved feelings, line 2! For Black grrrls especially, anger is often weaponized against us. We are told it makes us unprofessional, unapproachable, and unlovable. But the reality is, anger is often a survival response. It is what bubbles up when we are expected to endure too much for too long. And the longer we force ourselves to suppress it, the more harm it does—not just emotionally, but physically. Studies have shown that chronic suppression of anger can lead to higher rates of stress-related illnesses, and that Black women are disproportionately impacted. This is not just about feelings. It is about health. It is about survival. In this blog, we are talking about what it means to recognize anger as a mental health issue, not a character flaw. We are naming why the angry Black woman stereotype is both dangerous and dishonest. And we are learning how to give ourselves permission to feel, process, and move through anger in ways that are actually healing, not performative, not explosive, but grounded in care for ourselves first.

Don’t Believe The Myth

Before we can even talk about healing, we have to talk about the stereotype. The angry Black woman trope is everywhere in movies, in media, in everyday conversations. It paints us as irrational, aggressive, and hard to work with. It flattens us into one-note caricatures and then punishes us for not fitting the mold of constant patience and grace. And the worst part is, a lot of us have internalized it. We learn early to minimize our emotions, to soften our voices, to second-guess whether what we are feeling is even “appropriate. Can you say emotional gaslighting? The stereotype exists because it serves a purpose. If Black grrrls are seen as “too much,” it becomes easier to dismiss our pain, our boundaries, and our demands for better treatment. It keeps the focus on tone instead of substance. It shifts conversations about harm into conversations about attitude. And that erasure is exhausting. It trains us to prioritize being palatable over being real, even at the cost of our mental health. Carrying the fear of being labeled “angry” means a lot of us end up carrying anger silently. We push it down. We reframe it. We tell ourselves we are overreacting. We perform calmness for survival. But anger doesn’t dissolve just because we hide it. It lingers. It mutates into resentment, anxiety, numbness, and exhaustion. And over time, that emotional weight becomes a physical one too. Headaches, high blood pressure, tension, you can’t stretch out your body, keeps the score even when you are trying to keep the peace. Recognizing the myth for what it is does not mean you need to perform rage or constantly defend yourself. It just means you get to feel your feelings without apology. You get to be frustrated, tired, and protective of your peace. You get to acknowledge when something is wrong without worrying about how “gracefully” you are expressing it. Your anger is not a flaw. It is not a weakness. It is information. It is a call for deeper care.

Where Anger Really Lives

When we think about anger, we often imagine it as this loud, explosive thing. But for a lot of Black grrrls, anger doesn’t always look like yelling. Sometimes it looks like going silent. Like staying in situations that hurt because speaking up feels dangerous. Like brushing it off because it feels easier to pretend it doesn’t bother you. Too cool to care? NOT! Anger that doesn’t have a safe outlet gets buried. And buried anger doesn’t just stay quiet. It leaks. It shows up in anxiety, burnout, irritability, insomnia. It shows up in relationships where you snap over something small because you have been swallowing bigger things for too long. It shows up at work when one more microaggression tips you over the edge. It shows up in your body, in the tightness you carry, in the fatigue you can’t sleep off. And because society conditions Black grrrls to ignore our own anger, we are often the last ones to recognize that what we are feeling is rage, not random sadness or unexplained exhaustion. We gaslight ourselves into thinking we are just tired, just stressed, just emotional. But the truth is, anger is often sitting just under the surface, waiting to be acknowledged. When you start to see anger not as a weakness but as a signal, everything shifts. It becomes a tool for self-awareness instead of a source of shame. It helps you notice where your boundaries are thin. It points you toward where you need to advocate for yourself more clearly. It reminds you that your needs are valid, even when the world tries to minimize them. Feeling anger does not make you dramatic. It makes you human. And honoring that anger is part of the healing, not something you have to apologize for or explain away.

Release and Redirect

Anger shows up when something needs to change—whether that is a boundary you need to reinforce, a situation you need to leave, or a need you have been ignoring. Instead of thinking of anger as something to manage or suppress, what if you treated it like an invitation? A prompt to slow down, check in, and actually listen to yourself. Body language: Screaming! When you feel anger rising, it is not always a call to explode. Sometimes it is a call to protect your energy. Sometimes it is a call to advocate for yourself more clearly. Sometimes it is a call to exit a space that was never safe to begin with. But you only get access to that clarity if you give yourself permission to feel the anger first. Not justify it to others. Not package it in a way that makes it easier to digest. Just feel it. Part of protecting your mental health is honoring the full range of your emotions, not just the ones that are easy for other people to accept. Anger is part of that. It can be loud, it can be uncomfortable, but it can also be healing when it is acknowledged and moved through intentionally. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to advocate for yourself without softening the blow to make others more comfortable. You are allowed to recognize when something is not working for you without carrying the weight of everyone else’s feelings about it. Feeling anger does not make you bitter. Naming anger does not make you ungrateful. Moving through anger with care is not weakness. It is wisdom. It is part of building a life where your boundaries, your needs, and your peace are taken seriously, starting with you.

Your anger is not a problem to fix. It is a voice to listen to. A signal that something matters. A reminder that your experiences, your boundaries, and your wellbeing deserve to be protected. You do not have to justify, minimize, or package your anger to make it easier for other people to accept. It is not your job to be palatable at the expense of your peace. Anger can be disruptive, but sometimes disruption is necessary. It pushes you to notice when things are out of alignment. It demands honesty. It asks you to stop settling for harm dressed up as harmony. And when you stop treating anger like a personal failure, you start seeing it for what it is a tool. A mirror. A catalyst. This Mental Health Awareness Month, give yourself permission to be whole, not just palatable. Let yourself feel what needs to be felt. Let yourself honor what your body, your heart, and your spirit are trying to tell you. You are not “too much” for feeling deeply. You are not dramatic for setting boundaries. You are not overreacting for expecting better. You are worthy of spaces, relationships, and environments that honor your humanity, including your anger. And the more you give yourself that permission, the less you will need to explain your right to exist fully and unapologetically. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!!