#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS when was the last time someone really asked you how you were doing and stayed long enough to hear the real answer? Not the autopilot “I’m good” we throw out to keep it moving, but the messy, complicated, layered truth of where you actually are. If you had to think about it, you are not alone. Clocked! In the middle of life being life, it is easy to let emotional check-ins slide. We send memes. We share TikToks. We double tap each other’s wins. But somewhere between “love you sis” and “you got this” we sometimes miss the deeper conversations, the ones where we hold space for each other’s struggles, not just the shiny moments. And especially for Black grrrls, those spaces matter. Because the world expects us to be strong, resilient, and unbreakable. It tells us to push through and smile through it, even when we are breaking inside. This blog post is not about making friendship another job. It is about learning how to create spaces where we can actually breathe. Where we can show up messy, tired, confused, and still be held. Real check-ins are not about being perfect friends. They are about being present.

This blog post is for the grrrls who want deeper connections but sometimes do not know how to get past the highlight reel. It is for the ones who are tired of always being the strong friend but do not want to feel like a burden either. It is for the ones who want to be checked on without having to hit a breaking point first. Good mental health check-ins are not about fixing each other. They are about witnessing each other. About creating relationships where you can be seen in your fullness, not just your filtered moments. For Black grrrls, this is especially vital. Because we are often carrying invisible weight. Family pressure, workplace microaggressions, grief that has no name, dreams that feel too big to say out loud. And because we are so good at surviving, people sometimes assume we are fine. But survival is not the goal. Thriving is. And thriving means having spaces where you can fall apart a little without fear of judgment. Where you can say “I am not okay” and not have it turned into a motivational speech. Where your friends check in not because they sense a crisis, but because they actually want to know how your heart is doing. This week on the blog, we are talking about why better check-ins matter, how to move beyond surface-level support, and how to build friendships that are rooted in honesty, softness, and care. Because you deserve a circle that sees all of you and stays.

The Strong Friend

We love a good era. Healing era, soft life era, “I’m not texting back” era. But sometimes, the minute we claim one, we feel pressure to keep it up—even when it stops feeling aligned. We start wondering if we’re being fake for switching it up. Like, can I still be in my soft era if I just cursed someone out in traffic? Can I still be that grrrl if I had a full meltdown before noon? And the answer is yes. Because eras are not identities. They are seasons. They’re temporary spaces for growth, experimentation, and expression. They are meant to shift. Superwoman costume sold separately! For Black grrrls, being the strong friend is often not a choice. It is a survival strategy. We are taught early that vulnerability can be dangerous. That showing struggle invites judgment. That being too open makes you a liability, not a leader. So we master the art of looking okay even when we are not. We master it so well that people stop checking in at all. They assume we are good. They assume we do not need anything. But strength without support is a slow burn. It drains you quietly. It teaches you to normalize exhaustion. It convinces you that being loved means being useful, not being whole. And over time, it isolates you from the very connection that could sustain you. Mental health check-ins disrupt that cycle. They create tiny openings for honesty. They remind the strong friend that she is allowed to be more than her productivity. They give her permission to be messy, human, complicated. Not because she is falling apart, but because she deserves to be held too. Checking in does not have to be a heavy event. It can be a simple text, a voice memo, a moment of presence. It can be a question asked without an expectation of a polished answer. It can be the simple, radical act of saying, “No really. How are you?” and meaning it. Because strong friends need soft landings too. And the ones who always show up for others deserve to be seen in their fullness, not just their resilience.

Beyond The Surface

It is easy to say we should check on our friends more. It is harder to know what that actually looks like. Especially when life is busy, when people are used to saying they are fine even when they are not, and when vulnerability is not always comfortable. But better check-ins are less about asking the perfect question and more about creating the kind of relationships where honesty feels safe. Vibes over scripts! Good check-ins are rooted in consistency. It is not just reaching out when something seems wrong. It is making space for regular conversations about how people are feeling, even when everything looks good on the outside. It is normalizing the idea that you do not have to be falling apart to deserve support. They are also rooted in listening. Sometimes when we check in, we are already preparing advice in our heads before the person even finishes answering. But real support often sounds more like “I hear you” than “Here is what you should do.” It is about listening, not fixing. About sitting with someone in their mess without trying to organize it. And most importantly, good check-ins are rooted in consent. Not everyone wants to unpack their emotions on a random Tuesday afternoon. Some people might need time, or space, or a heads up. Asking “Do you have the capacity to talk about how you are feeling?” is a powerful way to respect both your friend’s needs and your own. Creating a culture of care within your friendships does not mean you have to become a therapist. It just means you are intentional. You are consistent. You are present without pressure. And you are willing to hold space for the full range of human experience, not just the highlights. That kind of friendship is rare. And that kind of friendship is healing.

Creating Healing Spaces

When friendships are built on real check-ins and mutual care, they stop being just places to have fun. They become spaces where healing happens without it having to be announced. Spaces where you can bring your whole self without fear of being too much, too messy, or too complicated. Healing spaces are not perfect spaces. Sometimes you will miss each other’s cues. Sometimes you will have awkward conversations. Sometimes you will not have the right words. But what makes a friendship healing is not perfection. It is presence. It is trying. It is showing up again and again in small, consistent ways that say, “You are not alone in this.” For Black grrrls especially, these spaces are crucial. We are so often expected to self-soothe, to carry heavy things in silence, to fix ourselves quietly so we do not inconvenience anyone. Having a circle that invites you to speak, to rest, to release without having to first prove you are worthy is radical. It is resistance. It is a reminder that you deserve community even when you are not at your strongest. Building friendships like this means being willing to model the kind of vulnerability you want to receive. It means checking in even when you are busy. It means being willing to hear hard truths without making it about you. It means allowing your friends to evolve without holding them hostage to who they used to be. And when you create that kind of space, something shifts. You start to heal out loud. You start to trust that you can be seen and still be loved. You start to believe that you do not have to carry everything alone just to be worthy of belonging. Friendships rooted in care are not just nice to have. They are necessary. Especially when the world is heavy. Especially when you are tired. Especially when you are ready to stop surviving and start being fully, beautifully human!

You deserve friendships that do not just celebrate your wins but sit with you through the waiting seasons too. You deserve spaces where you can show up as your full self, not just your filtered self. You deserve to be checked on without having to earn it through strength or resilience. Real check-ins are not about having the perfect words. They are about making it known that someone cares enough to ask, and cares enough to stay for the real answer. They are about normalizing conversations that do not start and end with “I am good.” They are about building connections where honesty feels safer than silence. This Mental Health Awareness Month, challenge yourself to go deeper. Check on your strong friends. Check on your quiet friends. Check on the ones who always seem fine. And allow yourself to be checked on too. Let people in. Let yourself be witnessed even when you do not have the perfect words. You are not a burden for needing support. You are not dramatic for having hard days. You are not broken for wanting to be seen. You are human. And the friendships that last are the ones that are built on truth. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!!