#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS have you ever felt like you are supposed to be somebody but are not exactly sure who? Like you want to make your mark, leave your legacy, or just feel like you are moving toward something bigger, but along the way, you start questioning if you are doing it for yourself or for the approval of everyone else? It is easy to get caught up in trying to be seen, trying to be chosen, trying to prove that you are that grrrl. But in the process, a lot of us end up molding ourselves into a version that looks good on paper but does not always feel right in real life. And honestly, what is the point of making a name for yourself if you lose who you actually are in the process? We live in a world that tells us we need to stand out to matter. Be the best. Be unforgettable. Be iconic. But what if the pressure to prove yourself is pulling you away from what actually makes you happy? What if, in trying to be somebody, you forget that you already are? It is not about choosing between ambition and authenticity. It is about making sure that in every room you step into, every opportunity you take, and every move you make, you are bringing your real self with you.

Making your mark is not about following someone else’s blueprint. It is about creating your own. The truth is, success means nothing if you have to lose yourself to get it. If the version of you that people admire is not the version that makes you feel the most free, then what is the point? Too many people climb to the top only to realize they built a life that does not even feel like their own. And while society will always tell you that being chosen, validated, and praised is the goal, real fulfillment comes from knowing that you showed up as yourself the entire time. That your wins were yours, not just the result of trying to fit into someone else’s version of success. This blog post is not about playing small or giving up on your ambitions. It is about making sure that in everything you do, you are staying true to yourself. Because at the end of the day, what is the point of leaving a legacy if it does not even feel like you?

Definition of Success

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is chasing a version of success that is not even yours. Too often, we set goals based on what looks impressive, what will make our family proud, what will make people respect us, or what we think we should be doing. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself, Do I actually want this? Or do I just want the validation that comes with it? It is a hard question, but it is necessary. Because the truth is, you can spend years chasing a dream, reaching milestone after milestone, and still feel unfulfilled if it was never really what you wanted in the first place. Black grrrls especially are told we have to be excellent at all times. Be the smartest in the room, work twice as hard, make everyone proud. And while there is nothing wrong with wanting to achieve great things, there is a difference between working toward your purpose and working toward proving yourself. The first one fuels you. The second one drains you. And if you spend too much time trying to prove yourself, you might wake up one day and realize you have been climbing a ladder that was never meant for you in the first place. Defining success on your own terms means getting real about what actually makes you happy, not what looks good to the outside world. Maybe success for you means launching your dream business, or maybe it means having a stable nine-to-five that lets you travel and live stress-free. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The only mistake is thinking you have to follow someone else’s path instead of creating your own. So ask yourself, what does success feel like for you? Not just what it looks like from the outside, but what it actually feels like in your body, in your spirit, in your daily life. Because at the end of the day, there is no trophy for living a life that impresses everyone but you.

Learn to Let Go

There is this unspoken fear that if you change too much, you will somehow lose yourself. That if you let go of certain beliefs, relationships, or versions of yourself, you are abandoning the person you once were. But the truth is, evolving does not mean losing yourself. It means becoming more of who you were always meant to be. The real loss happens when you hold on to outdated versions of yourself just because they feel familiar. Growth requires letting go of what no longer fits. Maybe you used to dream of one thing, but now that you are in it, it does not feel as fulfilling as you thought it would. Maybe you built an entire identity around being the responsible one, the overachiever, the grrrl who always has it together, and now you are realizing that you want to slow down, take a different path, or redefine what success looks like for you. That is okay. You do not owe anyone the same version of yourself forever. You are allowed to shift. You are allowed to want different things. You are allowed to change your mind without explaining yourself. At the same time, evolving does not mean throwing away everything that makes you you. The key to growing without losing yourself is staying connected to what actually matters to you. If you find yourself changing in ways that feel forced, performative, or disconnected from who you really are, take a step back. Ask yourself if you are evolving in a way that feels true to you, or if you are just molding yourself to fit someone else’s vision of who you should be. At the end of the day, you are not meant to be a fixed version of yourself forever. You are meant to grow, shift, and expand in ways that feel right to you. Do not let the fear of change keep you from stepping into everything you are capable of becoming.

Everything to Everyone

One of the quickest ways to lose yourself is by trying to be everything to everyone. The version of you that your family wants, the version that looks good on LinkedIn, the version that keeps the peace in friendships, the version that never lets anyone down. But at what cost? When you spend too much time managing other people’s expectations, you start to forget what you actually want. The reality is, you are never going to please everybody. There will always be someone who thinks you should be doing more, doing less, or doing something completely different. And the more you try to shape-shift into whatever version of you makes people the most comfortable, the further you get from the version that actually makes you feel at home. Saying yes to yourself sometimes means saying no to other people. No to expectations that drain you. No to paths that do not align. No to relationships that only exist because you are too afraid of disappointing someone. That is not selfish. That is self-respect. And while it might feel uncomfortable at first, it is a necessary part of making your own mark without losing yourself in the process. The truth is, the people who truly love and respect you will never expect you to be all things at all times. They will honor your boundaries. They will support your growth. They will celebrate you not just for what you do but for who you are. And the more you surround yourself with those people, the easier it becomes to live authentically, without guilt or hesitation. You do not have to be everything to everyone. You just have to be you. And that will always be enough.

At the end of the day, making your mark is not about being the loudest, the most successful, or the most admired. It is about knowing that whatever you do, you did it as yourself. It is about chasing goals that actually make you happy, evolving in ways that feel right for you, and refusing to let outside expectations dictate who you should be. The world will always have an opinion on what you should do, how you should act, and what success should look like for you. But none of that matters if you do not feel at home in your own life. So give yourself permission to redefine what success means to you. Give yourself the freedom to evolve without guilt. Give yourself the space to live for yourself instead of trying to be everything to everyone. Because at the end of the day, the real flex is knowing that wherever you go and whatever you do, you never had to lose yourself to get there. Now go and be great, you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!