#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Black History Month is here, and you already know we’re celebrating beyond the usual history lessons and iconic throwback photos. No shade to the PowerPoint presentations of our youth, but this month isn’t just about remembering the past—it’s about honoring the fullness of who we are right now. And that means making room for something that doesn’t always get top billing in conversations about Black womanhood: our joy. For too long, the world has loved to focus on our strength, resilience, and ability to push through anything. And while, yes, we are all of those things, we are also soft, playful, carefree, and deserving of happiness just for the sake of it. But let’s be real—Black women being joyful, choosing ease, and prioritizing themselves? That’s not exactly what society is used to seeing. Too often, we’re expected to earn our rest, justify our softness, or explain our peace. So let’s make one thing clear: Black grrrl joy is not a luxury, a trend, or a cute little hashtag. It’s revolutionary. This month, we’re flipping the narrative. Instead of centering exhaustion, we’re centering enjoyment. Instead of pushing through, we’re leaning back. Instead of proving our worth, we’re embracing the fact that we’ve always been worthy. Prioritizing joy in a world that expects you to carry everything and everyone? That’s not just radical self-care—it’s resistance. And if there’s one thing we’re gonna do this month (and every month after), it’s resist loudly and joyfully.

But what does Black grrrl joy actually look like? It’s not always about the big moments—vacations, promotions, or the picture-perfect Instagram posts (though we love those too!). It’s in the everyday choices we make to put ourselves first. It’s in the deep belly laughs with our grrrlfrennns, the impromptu dance breaks in the kitchen, and the solo dates where we romanticize our own lives literally just because we can. It’s in saying no without guilt, saying yes without hesitation, and making space for the things that bring us peace without explaining ourselves. At its core, Black grrrl joy is about freedom—freedom to exist, to be seen, to thrive, and to take up space in all the ways we deserve. And the best part? When one of us embraces it, it gives the rest of us permission to do the same. Radical self-care is about recognizing that our happiness isn’t something we have to put on hold until we’ve checked off every box on a to-do list. And let’s be real, society isn’t exactly set up to make this easy for us. That’s why radical self-care and Black grrrl joy go hand in hand. Choosing pleasure, softness, and ease is a necessary act of resistance, and it’s a practice—one that we get better at the more we lean into it. So, how do we do that? How do we break free from the pressure to always perform and instead, fully step into joy? Let’s talk about it!

Joy Is Not A Reward

Somewhere along the way, a lot of us got tricked into believing that joy is something we have to earn. Like it’s the prize at the end of a long, exhausting checklist: work hard, be responsible, take care of everybody else first, and then maybe—just maybe—you get a little sliver of happiness if there’s any left over. But let’s be real, grrrls, that’s a scam. And not the fun kind where you talk your way into a VIP section you had no business being in. It’s the kind that leaves you drained, resentful, and wondering why you’re the only one running around trying to keep everything together while everyone else seems to be living. Somewhere, somebody convinced us that joy is supposed to be on layaway. That we have to struggle first. That we have to prove ourselves. That we have to be useful before we can be happy. And honestly? A lot of that is by design. Because when we are too exhausted, too burnt out, and too focused on survival to even think about joy, that benefits a whole lot of people—but none of them are us. When we spend all our energy being “strong” and “resilient” and “always on top of it,” we don’t have much left for ourselves. And that is exactly why choosing joy, on our own terms, is so radical. Choosing joy means breaking out of the cycle of “I’ll be happy when.” I’ll be happy when I finally get that job. I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds. I’ll be happy when I finally go on that trip. That mindset will always find something new to chase, and before you know it, you’ve spent years waiting on happiness like it’s an Amazon package that never arrives. Instead, what if we decided to be happy now? What if we treated joy like something that belongs to us already, instead of something we have to chase? Maybe that means skipping an event you really don’t want to go to instead of forcing yourself to be the “supportive friend.” Maybe it’s taking an entire Saturday to binge-watch your comfort show with zero guilt. Maybe it’s buying yourself a little treat just because, and not because you “earned it,” but because you wanted it.

Making Joy Happen

Let’s talk about making joy a real part of your life, not just something you stumble upon every once in a while like a five-dollar bill in your coat pocket. Because the truth is, joy isn’t going to just fall into your lap between work, responsibilities, and whatever else is on your never-ending to-do list. If you don’t intentionally make space for it, it will always be the thing that gets pushed to the side. And let’s be real, grrrlfren, if you keep waiting for life to magically slow down before you prioritize your happiness, you’re going to be waiting a long time. So how do we actually do this? How do we make joy a lifestyle instead of a rare guest appearance? Start small. Think of the little things that bring you joy and build them into your routine like they’re non-negotiables. If you know your mood shifts dramatically when you get fresh air, make it a point to step outside for at least five minutes a day. If a certain song makes you feel like the main character, start your morning with it every single day. If you love a midday snack break, stop calling it “procrastinating” and start calling it “energy management.” When you prioritize the small things that make you feel good, they start adding up to something bigger—a life that actually feels good to live in, not just something you’re pushing through. And let’s talk about saying no. Because if we’re being honest, half the reason we don’t have enough space for joy is because we’re too busy saying yes to things we don’t even want to do. You do not have to RSVP “yes” to every invite, every favor, or every last-minute request that someone else suddenly made your problem. Try this: next time someone asks for your time or energy, ask yourself, “Will this bring me joy, peace, or fulfillment?” If the answer is no, then the answer is no. Simple. The more you practice protecting your time, the more space you create for the things that actually fill you up.

Trigger Happy

It is easy to talk about prioritizing joy, but actually living it takes practice. It is like going to the gym after months of doing absolutely nothing. At first, everything feels awkward, you are questioning your life choices, and you might even feel guilty for taking the time to do something for yourself. But the more you show up, the easier it gets. The same applies to joy. If you have spent years putting yourself last, it is going to feel strange to suddenly start saying, “Wait… what do I want?” But stick with it, because once you get into the habit of making joy a priority, it stops feeling like something you have to schedule and starts feeling like second nature. One of the best ways to make joy a habit is to set up joy triggers. These are small things in your daily routine that automatically bring you a moment of happiness without you even thinking about it. Maybe that means keeping your favorite snacks stocked in the house at all times so future you always has a treat waiting. Maybe it is creating a playlist that never fails to boost your mood and making it your go-to soundtrack for getting ready. Maybe it is switching up your work-from-home setup so it actually feels like a space you want to be in. The goal is to make joy easy and accessible, not something you have to search for. Another trick is to start celebrating everything. And I mean everything. We have been conditioned to only celebrate the big wins like graduations, promotions, and major life milestones. But what about the fact that you finally folded your laundry instead of letting it sit in the basket for two weeks? What about making it through a rough day without spiraling? What about drinking enough water like a responsible adult? Grrrl, that is worthy of a standing ovation. The more you acknowledge and celebrate the small wins, the more joy you will feel on a daily basis. You do not have to wait for a huge moment to feel proud of yourself. Find reasons to be happy right now.

If there is one thing to take away from this, grrrlfren, it is that joy is not a reward, an afterthought, or something you have to justify. It is yours, right now, exactly as you are. The world will always find ways to make you feel like you need to earn your peace, like you have to check a million boxes before you are allowed to be happy. But the truth is, the moment you decide that your joy is non-negotiable, everything shifts. Choosing joy is not just about feeling good in the moment. It is about building a life that reflects the love and care you deserve, every single day. So start where you are. Maybe that means making space for little moments of happiness in your daily routine. Maybe it means setting boundaries so you actually have time to enjoy your own life. Maybe it is as simple as reminding yourself that you do not need a reason to be joyful. However you decide to practice radical self-care, just know that every time you choose yourself, you are rewriting the narrative. You are creating a version of your life that does not revolve around exhaustion, stress, or proving yourself to people who will never get it. You are showing up for you. So keep doing the things that bring you peace. Keep making space for rest, laughter, and softness. Keep choosing joy, not as an occasional treat, but as a way of life. Now go and be great, you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!