#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS I need you to take a deep breath real quick. No, seriously—inhale… exhale… now say this with me: I am doing the best I can, and that is enough. Grrrl, when was the last time you actually gave yourself the same grace, patience, and understanding you so freely offer to everyone else? If you’re like most of us, probably not often enough. We love to hype up our friends, send that long “You are that grrrl” text when they’re doubting themselves, and remind them that one mistake does not define them. But when it comes to ourselves, that grace suddenly disappears. Instead, we hold ourselves to impossible standards, beat ourselves up for the smallest mistakes, and act like we have to be perfect to be worthy of love, success, or even rest. And let’s be real—that mindset is exhausting. And listen, I get it. Black women, in particular, have been conditioned to believe we have to earn our softness. We’re told we have to be strong no matter what, that we have to be perfect just to be considered enough, that we have to be twice as good just to be seen as worthy. And so, we hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations, never stopping to acknowledge just how much we’re carrying. We give grace to everyone but ourselves. But here’s the truth, grrrl—you deserve the same kindness, gentleness, and patience that you give to the people you love. You deserve to be soft with yourself.

But giving yourself grace is not just about being kind to yourself when things go wrong. It is about unlearning the habit of self-criticism before it even starts. It is about catching yourself in those moments when you want to spiral into guilt, frustration, or shame and choosing a different path. Because the reality is, being hard on yourself has never made you better—it has only made you more exhausted, more anxious, and more likely to doubt yourself in the future. Grrrl, what would happen if you stopped assuming the worst about yourself and started extending the same compassion that you would give to a friend? What if instead of replaying that awkward conversation in your head for hours, you just let it go? What if instead of beating yourself up over a bad day, you reminded yourself that you are human, that one misstep does not erase all the progress you have made? This week, we are talking about how to let go of unrealistic expectations, embrace self-compassion, and finally give ourselves the grace we have always deserved.

You Are a Human

Grrrl, when did we start believing that making mistakes means we are failing? Somewhere along the way, we picked up this idea that if we are not constantly getting everything right, we are falling behind. That if we drop the ball, we might as well drop the whole game. But let’s be real—who is actually holding us to these impossible standards? Most of the time, it is not the world putting that pressure on us. It is us. We convince ourselves that one bad day, one missed opportunity, or one wrong turn means we are suddenly undeserving of all the good things in our lives. But that could not be further from the truth. Growth does not come from perfection. It comes from learning, from adjusting, from giving yourself permission to try again. The same way you would tell a friend that one setback does not define them, you need to start telling yourself the same thing. And let’s talk about how unfair we can be to ourselves. How many times have you looked at someone else going through a tough time and thought, “They deserve a break” or “They are doing their best”? But when it is you, suddenly, the expectations shift. Instead of seeing your own struggles with the same understanding, you tell yourself you should have done better, you should have known better, you should have handled it differently. But why are you holding yourself to a higher standard than anyone else? Why is it so easy to give grace to others, yet so hard to extend it to yourself? You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to have hard days. You are allowed to be a work in progress. None of it makes you any less worthy of love, success, or happiness.

Perfection is a Myth

Somewhere along the way, we were taught that rest is something we have to earn. That we can only take a break once everything is done, every box is checked, and every goal is reached. But let’s be honest—when has that ever actually happened? There will always be something else to do, another task waiting, another thing to add to the list. If you are constantly waiting for the perfect moment to rest, you will never get it. And the truth is, you do not need to prove you have worked “hard enough” to deserve a break. You deserve to rest simply because you are a human being, not a machine. The world will not fall apart if you sit down for a minute. Your worth is not measured by how much you produce. And if you keep pushing yourself to exhaustion in the name of getting everything right, you are only making it harder to show up as your best self. And let’s be real—perfection is an illusion. No matter how much effort you put in, no matter how much you plan, you are still going to have days where things do not go as expected. You are still going to get things wrong. You are still going to have moments where you look back and wish you had done something differently. That is part of being human. But instead of seeing those moments as proof that you are not enough, what if you saw them as proof that you are growing? What if instead of punishing yourself for not being perfect, you gave yourself permission to be in progress? Rest is not a reward. It is a necessity. And the more you learn to give yourself grace, the more you will realize that the world does not expect you to be perfect—you just convinced yourself that it did.

Talk to Yourself Nice

hink about the way you talk to your closest friends when they are struggling. You remind them that one bad moment does not define them. You tell them that they are doing their best, that they deserve kindness, that they are allowed to rest, reset, and try again. Now, think about the way you talk to yourself when you are struggling. Is it the same? Or do you tell yourself that you should have done better, that you are not working hard enough, that you have to fix everything immediately? Grrrl, why is it so easy to be gentle with others, yet so hard to be gentle with yourself? It is time to start treating yourself like someone you love. Self-compassion is not about making excuses or avoiding accountability. It is about recognizing that you are allowed to be human. It is about acknowledging that you are learning, growing, and evolving, just like everyone else. The next time you catch yourself spiraling into self-criticism, stop and ask, “Would I say this to someone I love?” If the answer is no, then you should not be saying it to yourself either. The way you speak to yourself matters. The way you show up for yourself matters. And if you are constantly tearing yourself down, you are making it that much harder to build the life you actually want. So let’s start changing the way we show up for ourselves. Let’s start replacing shame with self-compassion. Let’s start letting go of unrealistic expectations and embracing the truth that we are worthy, even in our messiest moments. Because the way you love yourself sets the tone for everything else in your life. And if you would never let a friend talk to themselves the way you talk to yourself, it is time to rewrite the script.

At the end of the day, grrrlfren, you are not here to be perfect—you are here to be human. And being human means you will have bad days, make mistakes, and fall short sometimes. But none of that takes away from your worth. You do not have to punish yourself for not having it all together. You do not have to prove yourself through exhaustion. You do not have to carry the weight of unrealistic expectations. What you do have to do is start treating yourself with the same love, patience, and grace that you so easily give to others. Because the truth is, grace is not something you have to earn—it is something you deserve, always. And I know, unlearning the habit of being hard on yourself is not easy. It takes time to break the cycle of self-criticism, to stop measuring yourself by how much you do instead of who you are. But the more you choose to give yourself grace, the more you will realize that there was never anything wrong with you in the first place. You were never supposed to be perfect. You were never supposed to carry it all alone. You were never supposed to live your life proving your worth to people who were never meant to define it in the first place. So this week, I challenge you to give yourself some grace. Let go of the need to get everything right. Speak to yourself with kindness. Take a break without feeling guilty about it. Be gentle with yourself when things do not go as planned. And most importantly, remind yourself every single day that you are not in competition with anyone—not even the version of yourself you thought you had to be by now. You are growing at the pace you are meant to. You are learning exactly what you need to. And that, grrrl, is enough. Now go and be great, you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!