#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS It has officially been ONE YEAR since we restarted our radical self-care journey together! The first thing I want to say is, Happy Anniversary and CONGRATULATIONS!! This is actually a monumental deal that one hundred percent qualifies as a picture perfect Kodak moment. The second thing that I want to say is TIME FLIES FAST, like super fast. It is soo weird, when you’re actually living through the days (and all of the craziness that comes with those days sometimes) it can feel like you’re stuck in quicksand or something more common that is as equally as slow and lowkey scary, but it feels just like yesterday that I decided to pick up where I left off with writing Grrrl, Get Real and really try to hold myself to being consistent. And I did THAT! oKURRRR!! The last thing that I want to say about this momentous occasion is that Grrrl, Get Real holds a very special place in my heart. As a sagittarius, middle child, and part time thrill seeker I enjoy a little spontaneity, controlled chaos if you will, from time to time. This isn’t usually a (big?) problem, but some (all?) may choose to look at this with a glass half empty perspective and label this as a problem with being “consistent”. (Rude!)

This may or may not be true (it totally is) but what I am more concerned with is that I somewhere along the way lost my ability to feel comfortable showing up as my authentic self, use my voice, and express myself creatively. So to me, staying consistent with blogging has helped me reclaim that power in a lot of different ways, some that I didn’t even expect. Grrrl, Get Real has been incredibly healing for me and it is my biggest hope that it has made a difference for someone else out there too! So, for today’s blog post, I want to go back and read my very first blog post that i created at the start of our radical self-care journey last year and give it my honest reaction. Think of this as the directors cut to your favorite chick flick. We will laugh, we might cry, but in the end everything will work out. So, if you’re ready to time travel, let’s go look at just how far we’ve come this past year!

Bino, Where the Hell Have You Been Loca?

We are starting off pretty strong with the Twilight reference! Also, I remember being really nervous to write this because I didn’t really know what to say or how to say it. I put a lot of pressure on myself to come out of the gate with a signature writing style that would land me a Nobel Peace Prize. Over the course of the year, the format of the blogs have become more organized but my writing style is kind of just me dumping my brain on the internet like it’s a diary. I also remember thinking, umm should I try to clean this up with proper grammar, punctuation, and proper nouns?? Everything I wrote was underlined in red basically letting me know that I am typing like a new born baby and I made the conscious decision to leave it. Something about the run on sentences and dry humor just made it seem more realistic to me, and definitely more human, which I thought you grrrls would appreciate. There is probably an English major reading this right now loosing her cool lol. The part about the paper towel is 100% true! I was pushing off writing the blog because I was scared but I promised myself I would start before January was over, so obviously I waited until the last minute!! The content for the blog came to me as a fleeting thought, so I grabbed the first thing that I saw and wrote it down before I could forget. I also remember feeling like a complete FRAUD because I started the blog a year prior but life got in the way and I didn’t keep up with it. So I was like why would someone listen to you? How can I be a role model, or a trusted friend if I literally gave up. It sounds like I was being really hard on myself for no reason, as usual. Manifesting a new job, moving into a new apartment, starting grad school for the second time??? Like grrrl, give yourself some grace. That took a lot of time and energy, but once you had the space to return to your passion project you did and look how far you’ve come.

New Year, Now What?

“I have spent years dreaming about the day my life will magically exceed my expectations, but I have realized that until I have the courage to put my actions where my mind is, that’s all it will ever be, a dream.” BARS. Literal GOLD! I don’t know why I am envisioning like a two year old version of myself writing this in crayon like some sort of baby genius but this statement just seems so incredibly insightful for someone who felt soo lost. I had no clue what I was doing, I actually still don’t have any clue what I am doing- and that’s not me trying to be funny, that is me being honest and vulnerable with you grrrls. I think one of the major differences between now and then is that before I was lowkey obsessed with finding the answer. I remember I used to look at my life like a video game. Level one was how do I start my new chapter? I figured out how to move out on my own and create a life for myself as an autonomous adult. It didn’t always look perfect, but at the end of the day I was proud of myself for beating level one. Level two was how do I master my new chapter and live the life of my dreams! This sounds advantageous, but in plain talk it just means figuring out what makes me happy. I think I am still on level two lol. I used to get really really frustrated about that because I wanted to win level two even quicker than I beat level one. The thing about level two that I have learned is that it is a completely different game, with a whole set of brand new rules. It feels like someone handed you a huge box of tangled wires, a map with missing pieces, and a bunch of random mystery items that you don’t really know what they are for but they will come in handy later. Oh, did I mention you also have to do this blindfolded? Level two has been crazy! Crazy good, crazy bad, crazy awkward, crazy unbelievable, crazy unpredictable. Like I said, I have not won level two yet, but my strategy is to keep strong faith, to stay focused, and to try to make it as fun as possible.

The Bounce Back Begins

My sad vibes playlist!!! This a real thing too! It’s literally just all of my favorite Lana Del Rey songs on repeat until I stop crying. Mhmm… “grrrls like me”. That stands out to me too. I think when I was first starting I didn’t really know what that meant, or I was too afraid to name it. I also just wanted the blog to be something that everyone could relate to. Now, I understand that while radical self-care is for everyone, Grrrl Get Real is not. When I said “grrrls like me” I meant grrrls who need to be reminded that they are shining stars. Grrrls who feel lost and are too hard on themselves for not having the answer to every question or not being able to project societies idea of perfection. Grrrls who know that they are meant for more, but are scared to take a chance on themselves. Grrrls who have dimmed their light to be more palatable for others. Grrrls who just sincerely want genuine friendships that make them feel safe, seen, and heard. I think that the best piece of advice to the version of myself who wrote that is that change starts within, and it starts with you. I am really proud of myself for taking those first few steps even if I didn’t know where it was going to lead to. I feel like with self-improvement and self-growth there is always this narrative of trying to create as much distance from your old self as you possibly can but I think that she deserves her flowers. She is the version of yourself that took the actions necessary for you to be where you were today. She literally changed your life! In a lot of ways, my radical self-care journey has been a lot of unlearning, relearning, and learnig new things in order to become who I already was.

“Starting a radical self-care journey in hopes of creating the life of your dreams is hard, especially when you still have to overcome the obstacles in your current life.” GRRRL! You ain’t ever lied!! Wow, I can’t believe that what I considered to be my day one before rereading this was actually FOUR YEARS into me making the active choice to learn how to care about myself and for myself better?? That’s actually insane and definitely adds some much needed perspective. I think the funny part about me writing that is that I think I included that to sound more authoritative. I knew the blog was a little all over the place and I didn’t really have a plan for what I was doing, on top of the fact that I was self taught at creating a blog, I thought the first post could use a little dash of “Wait please trust me I know what I’m talking about I SWEAR”! I think that is really funny, well my idea of what a leader or expert looked like. I didn’t really consider myself a leader, like yes I could be bossy but I’m just a normal grrrl, why would anyone follow me or follow what I say? Now, I am not really concerned with coming across a certain way on the blog, I have yet to master feeling self-conscious on video. With the blog, the only thing I really try to censor is when I tell you grrrls to be bad lol. When I say be bad I am talking about centering yourself, letting your hair down, prioritizing your pleasure, NOT committing crimes, hurting people, and going to jail. I feel like that is self-explanatory but you just never know with the internet. Anyways, looking back on where it all started was cutesy but also enlightening. If there’s anything I can take away from the first blog post is to honestly slow down and enjoy the journey, follow what makes you happy, and to continue to push myself to be expressive even when I am scared. Thank you to all the grrrls who have been on this journey with me, and again, I can’t say this enough but I hope I am able to help you in the same way that you have helped me. Let’s continue to move forward in our journey to become our greatest and highest selves. Now go and be great, you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!