#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Whoever said radical self-care journeys are more than just face masks and breakthroughs in therapy NEVER lied. Like, not even a little bit. Lately, I’ve been out here feeling like life handed me a pop quiz I didn’t study for, with questions I didn’t even know were on the syllabus. It’s been one situation after another, testing my patience, my boundaries, and honestly, my faith in humanity. But through all the unexpected twists and turns, I’ve been standing ten toes down on protecting the sense of self and peace I’ve worked so hard to build. And let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy—some days, I’ve felt like throwing in the towel, grabbing some popcorn, and letting people run wild. But then I remind myself that at the end of the day I’m an adult, which means it’s MY responsibility to show up for myself. Yes, I have a community of people who will help me and a family who loves me and would do anything for me (both of these i consider to be an immense privilege that I am absolutely grateful for) but to be a fully autonomous, ever-evolving adult who wants to live life authentically as her greatest and highest self that’s going to take a little elbow grease… and a lil treat every now and then because I’m literally just a grrrl.

Standing up for yourself isn’t always pretty or perfect. Sometimes it’s awkward, messy, and makes me want to call my grrrlfrens for emergency yap sesh. Still, every time I choose to advocate for myself—whether it’s saying no to something that doesn’t feel right, calling out behavior that crosses a line, or just voicing my feelings—it’s like planting a little flag in the ground that says, “This is my space, and I’m not going anywhere.” And let’s be real: as a recovering overthinker and lifelong people pleaser, confrontation can feel like scaling Mount Everest in flip-flops. But it’s necessary work. Every time I push past the fear, I’m reminded that this journey isn’t just about me; it’s about teaching others how to respect the version of me I’ve worked so hard to create. What I’m learning is that standing up for yourself is one of the most important acts of radical self-care. It’s not about being perfect, polished, or poised every time—it’s about showing up, taking up space, and choosing you, even when it feels hard or uncomfortable. And let me tell you, grrrl, you are so worth it.

Say It With Your Chest

Let’s be real: standing up for yourself can feel like jumping into the deep end of the pool without floaties. The first time you do it, your voice might shake, your palms might sweat, and you’ll probably want to crawl into a blanket fort afterward. But here’s the truth—confidence isn’t required to advocate for yourself, practice is. Start small. Maybe it’s correcting someone who mispronounces your name or telling a friend you can’t make it to plans because you need a night in (without apologizing 50 times). These little moments build your self-advocacy muscle, and over time, the deep end doesn’t feel so intimidating. Remember, grrrlfren, you don’t need to have all the answers or deliver the perfect speech to stand up for yourself. Sometimes it’s just about saying, “Hey, this isn’t working for me,” and letting the silence do the rest. Silence can be powerful—it shows you’re not over-explaining or justifying yourself, and trust me, that energy is unmatched. The point isn’t to be perfect or poised every time, but to remind yourself that your voice matters. And yes, it’s going to feel awkward at first. But each time you choose to speak up, you’re proving to yourself that you are worth the effort. I am actually learning this balance in real time and it’s lowkey been kind of chaotic but I’m still proud of myself for trying! For example, a few weeks ago I went to brunch with a couple of very dear friends and they were literally 10 minutes late. No big deal right? Wrong! I was just soo charged up on my radical self-care high horse that any resemblance of disrespect, or inkling of playing with my time, space, energy I immediately go to def-con 10 (whatever that means). So, I started WW3 in a sort of passive aggressive you just made the first 20 minutes of brunch super awkward way BUT I apologized and recalibrated. Yes, it wasn’t pretty but I stood up for myself and now I know that I should at least wait 11 minutes before I start acting like G.I. Jane.

The Beauty of No

Let’s talk about one of the hardest but most liberating words in the English language: NO. For us recovering people pleasers, saying no can feel like the ultimate betrayal—like we’re letting someone down, failing to be helpful, or not living up to the “nice” person we’ve convinced ourselves we have to be. But here’s the tea: saying no isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation. You can’t pour from an empty cup, grrrls, and sometimes protecting your energy means choosing yourself over someone else’s expectations. It’s not about being cold or dismissive; it’s about understanding that you deserve the same consideration you give to everyone else. Start thinking of your “no” as a gift—it’s a clear, honest answer that doesn’t leave room for confusion or resentment. And trust me, a solid no with no strings attached can be life-changing. Have you ever noticed how people who respect their own boundaries seem to walk through life with this unbothered, stress-free glow? That’s the power of a well-placed no. Saying no to things that drain you creates space for what genuinely fulfills you, whether it’s an opportunity you’ve been waiting for or just the peace of a quiet evening to yourself. But let’s not sugarcoat it—saying no is uncomfortable at first. It feels like you’re going against years of conditioning to make others happy. Maybe your brain goes into overdrive, crafting excuses to make your no sound more “reasonable.” Maybe you feel guilty and start second-guessing yourself, wondering if you’re being too harsh or too rigid. Here’s the truth, though: no doesn’t need a side of excuses to make it palatable. You don’t have to explain why you can’t take on that extra project at work or why you’re skipping your cousin’s third baby shower. A simple, “I’m not available” or “That doesn’t work for me” is more than enough. If someone pushes back, that’s on them, not you.

Protect Your Peace

Let’s talk about the importance of protecting your peace—because if there’s one thing you can’t afford to lose, it’s your sanity, grrrlfren. Think about it: if someone handed you Beyoncé tickets, would you leave them out in the open for anyone to grab? Absolutely not. You’d protect those tickets like your life depended on it. That’s the same energy you need to bring when it comes to your peace. Because let’s be real, life is full of people and situations that will drain you if you let them. Protecting your peace isn’t just a cute mantra; it’s a survival skill. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned on this self-care journey is that you can’t be everything to everyone. Trying to keep the peace with others at the expense of your own will only leave you feeling resentful and exhausted. The truth is, not everyone is going to understand or appreciate your boundaries—and that’s okay. You’re not setting them for validation; you’re setting them for YOU. Protecting your peace sometimes means removing yourself from situations or relationships that don’t align with the version of yourself you’re trying to nurture. It’s not about cutting people off recklessly but about recognizing when certain connections or environments are doing more harm than good. Let’s be clear: protecting your peace doesn’t always mean dramatic exits or grand gestures. Sometimes it’s as simple as not engaging. Maybe you don’t respond to that passive-aggressive text or participate in the group chat drama. Maybe you take a social media detox because you know scrolling is doing more harm than good. It’s about choosing your battles wisely and refusing to pour your energy into things that don’t serve you. You don’t have to clap back at every shady comment or prove your point in every argument. Sometimes the most powerful move is to let your silence speak volumes.

Of course, standing up for yourself also means creating environments where you feel safe and supported. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you, who celebrate your wins and hold space for you when you’re struggling. And if you’re still figuring out who those people are, start by being that person for yourself. Validate your own feelings. Honor your own needs. Show up for yourself in ways that remind you of your worth, even when the world feels heavy. At the end of the day, standing up for yourself is an act of radical self-care. It’s about prioritizing your well-being and understanding that you are worthy of a life that feels good to live. So the next time someone or something tries to disrupt your vibe, channel your inner security guard and stand up for yourself. You’re not being “difficult” or “selfish.” You’re choosing you, and there’s nothing more powerful than that. Every time you advocate for yourself, you’re reinforcing the foundation of the life you’re building—the life where your most authentic self can thrive. And sure, it’s not always going to be easy. You’ll second-guess yourself, you’ll stumble, and sometimes you might even feel like giving up. But grrrlfren, remember this: you are so much stronger than you think, and every time you show up for yourself, you’re proving it. So keep going. Speak up when it matters. Say no when you need to. Protect your peace like it’s a priceless treasure—because it is.Now go and be great, you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!