#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Can I like rant for a little bit?? Let’s get real for a second—have you ever held yourself back because you didn’t feel “good enough”? If you’re nodding your head or mentally listing out the times you’ve played small, you’re definitely not alone because I have kinda been feeling the same way lately. For many of us grrrlies, perfectionism isn’t just a personality trait—it’s a survival mechanism. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we have to be twice as good, work twice as hard, and look absolutely flawless while doing it just to be seen as worthy. But let me turn the radical notch up just a level or two and say this: perfectionism is a SCAM, and we are more than worthy as we are. Yeah, I said it! I’m sooo over the perfectionist agenda!! It’s a never-ending cycle that leaves you exhausted, insecure, and constantly second-guessing yourself and ain’t nobody got time for that! I am trying to wait for the day that I magically reach the level of my radical self-care journey where I can finally achieve the meditative state of feeling like a job is well done. But I am impatient af, and pigs will probably learn to fly before “perfect” ever becomes attainable. Until then, I can only imagine how nice it feels to walk away from something and know firmly and without a doubt that you couldn’t have done better. 

Maybe it’s because I am my harshest critic, maybe I will never ever ever be satisfied, or maybe I’m just a pusher! I PUSH PEOPLE CADY!! Okay, this rant is reaching spiral status, come on back down grrrl!  The point is that I think it’s time to unlearn the toxic idea that I have to be perfect to be successful or happy. Instead, I want to try and push myself to embrace more of my flaws and stop being soo overly critical all the time. We have been talking a lot about achieving our greatest and highest good, and I think that mine is a lot less stressed out over the little things that she can’t control and knows when to give herself a pat on the back. Also, I feel like if you are always trying your best to do your best, but then you always convince yourself that it’s not good enough, it creates this endless cycle of slapping yourself in the face. More importantly, it sucks all the fun out of going on a radical self-care journey. This week, I want to talk about truly making an effort to break free from the perfection prison! So if you have a low tolerance for pain, always wanted to break out of jail, or just want to join me, let’s spill all the hot goss that will help you unlearn perfectionism, embrace your flaws, and help you elevate to a happier and more healed version of yourself! 

Everyone’s A Critic

We all have that little voice in our heads that loves to point out our flaws, remind us of every mistake we’ve ever made, even during the wee hours of the night when we are supposed to be getting our beauty sleep on! It’s the same voice that likes to take small digs at you during the day saying, “You’re not smart enough,” or “They’ll never take you seriously.” when you are literally just trying to exist! This little brain invader is what I call a B-I-T-C-Oh no she didn’t! Or in family friendly terms, your inner critic! She is with you 24/7 but here’s the thing, she is NOT your grrrl, and she doesn’t have your best interests at heart. It’s giving frenemy. In fact, she’s highkey kind of a mess, and it’s time to check her. Instead of letting that voice run wild, start changing those negative thoughts. When you catch yourself spiraling into self-doubt, ask yourself, “Would I say this to my grrrlfren?” If the answer is a big fat no, then it’s time to replace that thought with something kinder and more realistic. For example, instead of thinking, “I’ll never get this right,” try saying, “I’m learning and growing every day.” Also, sometimes your inner critic is just a straight up LIAR! She likes to search your subconscious for random little negative experiences and thoughts in order to fabricate fibs that she wants you to believe as truth. In those instances you just have to think about whether its true talk or fear talking, and in the words of philosopher Flavooooor Flaaaav “If it don’t apply, LET IT FLY!” The real tea is that nobody knows you better than YOU, not even your inner critic, so treat yourself with compassion and understanding. Remember, you’re human, and it’s okay to make mistakes and have off days. It’s definitely going to feel weird at first, but the more you practice taming your inner critic, the more likely she will be to take the hint and finally stfu! 

Reframing Failure

The word failure has a really bad rep, like just thinking about it makes me tense up and speed dial my therapist. Not only is the word failure literally nightmare fuel, but it is also the tool that perfectionism uses to reinforce that being overly critical of ourselves is a natural state of being, which can have long term health effects on our bodies. When we’re stuck in this cycle of fear and perfectionism, our nerves are basically being ping ponged back and forth in a constant state of “fight or flight.” Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol flood our systems, and keep us on high alert which makes us feel anxious and tense. If this stress continues over time, it can mess with our sleep, digestion, immune systems, and even our brains. Not to stress you out or anything! The good news is that by understanding this cycle, we can start to break free from it. Instead of looking at failure like the end of the world, let’s try and take a walk on the bright side and try to find the lesson or understand the bigger picture. The most successful people aren’t the ones who never fail; they’re the ones who fail forward. That means they learn from their mistakes, adapt, and keep it pushing. Instead of seeing failure as a sign that you’re not good enough, start viewing it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Why do you think sports dudes watch their games over and over again in the stinky locker room?? To learn from their mistakes! Every setback is a chance to build resilience, gain new insights, and become even stronger. So, the next time something doesn’t go as planned, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Then, take that lesson and use it to fuel your next move. Blue 42, Pizza, HUT! Remember, every misstep is a part of your journey, and it’s leading you exactly where you need to go.

An Alien Superstar Was Born

Another sneaky little tactic that perfectionism loves to thrive on is the idea that there’s only one “right” way to be, or look, or act. EWW! Let me tell you grrrls a little story, there once was this little angel baby princess sweetheart who thought that she was soo different from everyone else that she was convinced that she was dropped off by aliens to try and live life on earth. Unfortunately, a lot of people on Earth did not like that she was different (H8RS!!) and made her think that being different was the worst. Because of this, she became frustrated that she did not see the world like everyone else did and spent a lot of time trying to change herself to blend in. That little angel baby princess sweetheart was me. It wasn’t until I embraced being different and learned to celebrate my uniqueness that my life started to change for the better. It hasn’t been perfect, and I still have my days but I will always stand ten toes down on the fact that the only price you pay for being and loving your authentic self is judgement from other people who can’t. Your quirks, flaws, and idiosyncrasies are what make you unique. Instead of trying to fit into someone else’s mold, ESPECIALLY if this is for a boy, break it into one million pieces, blow the dust in his face, and do you grrrl! Start by making a list of all the things that make you, you. Then, remind yourself daily that these differences are your superpowers. Whether it’s your unique sense of style, your sense of humor, or your passion for obscure hobbies, celebrate every part of who you are and that coin collection! The world seriously doesn’t need another carbon copy—it needs the one and only you.

Perfectionism and comparison are like the Bonnie and Clyde of joy. They will come right in and steal your shine and I don’t know what they will do after because I’ve never seen that movie but stealing is already bad enough!! (Seriously, how does it end? Is it even a movie? Who are they??) By taming your inner critic, reframing failure, and celebrating your uniqueness, you’ll start to see that you don’t need to be perfect to be powerful. You’re already enough, just as you are. Let go of the pressure to be flawless and start embracing your beautiful, messy, imperfect self. Now this is seriously advice that I need to be taking myself, so we can help each other take a chill pill on trying to be perfect. I feel like this change isn’t going to happen over night, but we can start cutting ourselves more slack and showing ourselves more grace little by little and then eventually we will have enough tokens for a little treat. Y’all know how I feel about those!  I want to thank you grrrls for allowing me the space to tell my story, and making me feel more comfortable every single week to be more vulnerable about my own radical self-care journey. All I want to do is help the grrrlies feel good, it’s just the cherry on top that I am also one them! I love you all so much and I love our new and growing community! Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!