#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS There is a very fine line between discipline and punishment, and sometimes it’s hard to tell which one you’re walking. You say you’re going to get your life together. You make the to-do list. You set the alarm. You try to “be good.” But somewhere between the aspiration and the execution, it stops feeling like a loving choice and starts feeling like a weird form of self-abandonment. Instead of feeling proud of yourself for trying, you end up feeling guilty for not doing it “right.” You skip a workout and suddenly your whole day feels like a failure. You have one off moment and start thinking maybe I’m just not the kind of person who has it together. The same routine that was supposed to help you feel more grounded and in control ends up making you feel trapped. Like can we LIVE?? It’s easy to romanticize the idea of routine. We scroll past people’s “That Grrrl” morning montages with green smoothies, ice rollers, and matching loungewear and think, Okay yes, this will fix everything. But when we try to recreate it without asking ourselves what we actually need, we end up mimicking a lifestyle instead of building one. And if we’re being honest, a lot of us fall into the trap of performing routine for the sake of control.

We’re hoping that if we just follow the steps, we’ll become the kind of grrrl who doesn’t feel overwhelmed, lost, or behind. But the truth is, routines aren’t magic spells. They’re not about becoming someone else. They’re about supporting who you already are. Don’t worry, we all are! This blog is about what it looks like to create a rhythm that actually matches your energy, your needs, and your joy. A routine that supports you when you’re tired, scattered, or unmotivated, not just when you’re at your most productive. We’re talking baby steps, silly rituals, pleasure points, and permission to switch it up. Whether you’re working full time, healing, creating, parenting, or just trying to make it through the day with some semblance of peace, you deserve a life that feels intentional not rigid. And building a routine that helps you regulate your nervous system, carve out time for your creativity, and anchor yourself in the present moment is one of the most underrated forms of radical self-care. So no, you don’t have to overhaul your life. You don’t need a digital planner and three different tracking apps. But you do need some small, consistent ways to feel like yourself again!

Start Where You Are

Most of us don’t need another aesthetic Pinterest board. We need permission to start messy. One of the biggest mistakes people make when building a routine is starting from a fantasy version of themselves instead of the actual version that wakes up late, scrolls too much, and sometimes forgets to drink water until 3pm. When you build a routine around who you wish you were, you end up creating systems that are too rigid, too ambitious, or too disconnected from your real life to stick. But when you start from where you actually are, you can build something sustainable that meets you with compassion instead of criticism. For example, maybe you keep telling yourself you’re going to become a 5am girly who meditates, journals, and works out before sunrise. But in reality, you’re a night owl who doesn’t even feel human until 10am. Instead of trying to force an early morning routine that leaves you cranky and resentful, ask yourself what version of that ritual could still work on your timeline. Maybe your body feels best with a midday walk. Maybe your mind is sharpest at night, and your ideal routine starts with winding down intentionally instead of forcing yourself to wake up early. You’re not lazy. You’re just not wired like the productivity influencers you follow. And that’s not a problem, it’s a sign to do things your way.by you. The more you show up for yourself, the more natural it becomes. This also means being honest about your season of life. If you’re grieving, overwhelmed, adjusting to change, or simply over it, your routine will—and should—look different than it did when you were in go-mode. Building a routine in survival mode means focusing on grounding rituals, not grinding habits. It means identifying the smallest actions that help you feel safe, calm, or like yourself again, even if it’s just brushing your teeth while listening to your comfort playlist. Those tiny acts count. They’re not less valid because they don’t come with a productivity badge or a time-lapse video. Progress over performance! Instead of asking, “What’s the perfect routine?” start asking, “What does my nervous system need today?” If your routine helps you feel regulated, connected, and present, it’s doing its job—even if it looks boring or inconsistent to someone else. You’re not behind. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing it your way.

Rigid Vs. Real

There’s a difference between structure and control, and too many of us confuse the two. Real talk? A routine should be a rhythm, not a punishment. You are not auditioning for a productivity competition. You are curating your life. And that means giving yourself room to ebb and flow without spiraling into shame every time you fall off track. Or completely abandoned it! Rigid routines are easy to break and hard to bounce back from. When everything hinges on doing everything perfectly, one missed workout or one late morning can send you into a shame spiral that convinces you to quit altogether. That’s not discipline, that’s pressure. And pressure is not the same as care. Instead, what would it look like to build a flexible framework that bends with your life instead of breaking at the first sign of change? Let’s say your ideal day includes journaling, movement, nourishing meals, creative time, and social connection. You don’t have to fit all of that into every single day. What you can do is create a menu of options that you rotate through based on your energy, capacity, and needs. If you wake up energized, maybe that’s a day for a long walk and a deep clean. If you’re feeling depleted, maybe the win is brushing your hair and replying to that one lingering text. You’re still showing up for yourself, just differently. And that matters. You also don’t need to explain your routine to anyone. Whether your self-care looks like full glam and a three-step morning ritual or a bonnet and reheated leftovers, it’s valid. You are allowed to create routines that feel good to you even if they don’t make sense to anyone else. You’re the one living it, not your coworker, your mom, your therapist, or the strangers watching your Instagram story. Let them think whatever. You’ve got things to do, or not do. That’s the point!

The Mirror And The Map

Just because someone else swears by 5 a.m. workouts and green smoothies doesn’t mean it’s your path to peace. You are not a productivity template. You are a living, breathing, evolving human being with unique rhythms, needs, and desires. And your routines should reflect that. One-size-fits-all much? Your routines are both the mirror and the map. They reflect who you are right now and help guide you toward who you’re becoming. So if your current schedule feels out of sync with your energy, your values, or your goals, that’s not a failure it’s feedback. Instead of powering through or abandoning the routine altogether, what if you used that discomfort as data? Not everything needs to be fixed. Sometimes it just needs to be realigned. Start by asking: What do I need more of? What do I need less of? What helps me feel grounded? What throws me off? Maybe journaling clears your head, but only at night. Maybe you’re more creative after movement than before. Maybe Sundays are sacred and can’t include anything on your to-do list. These aren’t just preferences, they’re clues. And following them can lead you to a routine that actually feels like yours, not a list of obligations borrowed from someone else’s life. The same goes for how your routine makes you feel about yourself. A good routine should leave you feeling capable, cared for, and connected—not anxious, guilty, or like you’re constantly playing catch-up. So if your current setup feels more like a list of “shoulds” than a practice of self-trust, that’s worth a pause. Maybe the routine is rooted in comparison. Maybe it’s built around who you think you should be instead of who you actually are. Either way, you get to course-correct. That’s the beauty of being the one in charge. And please don’t fall into the trap of thinking a routine only counts if it’s aesthetic. Matching sets, color-coded calendars, and glass water bottles are cute, but they’re not the point. If your life is more post-it notes and vibes than Notion dashboards and chore charts, that’s valid. Your routine is allowed to be intuitive, nonlinear, and private. You don’t need an audience to make it real.

No single routine will magically make you feel healed, productive, joyful, rested, and inspired all at once. But a routine that reflects who you are and how you move through the world? That can come pretty close. The truth is, routines aren’t about proving anything to anyone. They’re about returning—to your body, to your needs, to your values. And when you stop trying to optimize your life like an app update and start building rhythms that hold you with care, everything shifts. A soft life doesn’t always mean an easy life. It means a life you feel safe inside. One where you’re not performing peace but actually experiencing it. One where you listen to your body when it whispers so you don’t have to wait for it to scream. And maybe that starts with small things. Waking up without your phone. Making lunch before you’re starving. Going for a walk without turning it into a step count. The little choices add up. And when they’re rooted in your own rhythm, not someone else’s, you start to feel less like you’re chasing a version of yourself and more like you’re becoming her. So if your routine isn’t “perfect,” good. It shouldn’t be. It should be yours. And if that means sleeping in on Tuesdays or meditating in the shower or keeping a running notes app of affirmations and grocery lists, so be it. You get to decide what wholeness looks like in real time. And you get to change your mind as many times as you need to. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!