#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here? I’m not talking about the weather I’m talking about a little something called RAGE! When I write these blog posts, I can only write from my own experience, both past, present, and future, because I am obviously psychic. Yup, that’s me! And right now grrrls, I’m pretty pissed off. Where is it stemming from? Umm, everything everywhere all at once! It’s mainly finals pushing me to my mental limit, I spent the last three days glued to my computer teaching myself about the global economy, which is level 3 of my personal hell! Anyways, last week we talked about how to take it easy and just relax, but I want to talk about what happens when life won’t let you! Personally for me, when all I want to do is be a little radical self care princess, but life keeps reminding me that I have to “be a responsible adult” and “work a job” to “pay my rent” so that “I can survive” I usually end up spiraling and scaring my greatest and highest self into hiding. 

I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, I just want to keep it real! There are a million self-proclaimed self care gurus online that will tell you to “like totally just be happy”, but let me be the one to tell you that advice is lowkey trash and it isn’t going to help you survive that brain fog that lands you in a month long rut of feeling down. I want to be the one to tell you that being sad is NORMAL. Being annoyed is NORMAL. BEING MAD IS NORMAL! There is soo much pressure on grrrls to just smile and shut up, and I’ve just decided that it’s the latest thing that is making me wanna go Hulk! As you are actively working through healing your mind, body, and soul to level up to be the best version of yourself, you are inevitably going to hit hard points that trigger emotions that don’t smell like roses and can potentially land you in a funk. So this week, I wanna talk about a few things that have helped me survive my terrible horrible no good very bad moods.

Recognize The Rage

My first piece of advice is to make space and time to practice naming, and working towards communicating your emotions. When I was a radical self-care rookie, this is one of the things I literally had no clue how to do. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not a martian. I could tell that I felt off, but I didn’t know why, what exactly I was feeling, or how to tell anyone… which made me feel alienated. For those who are curious, I am in fact human, which means that I am still a work in progress, but I have become better about recognizing when I am not okay. For example, here are all the reasons I had a meltdown last week; I received too many emails at once, I had to take the trash out, and someone took my unassigned assigned seat in class. Seriously, who does that? On a scale from “dang that sucks” to “the sky is falling!!!” I would have to say that none of these things calls for a major meltdown, except the seat stealing because there are just some things I can’t get behind, but I still had intense reactions to each of them. I had to take a step back and recognize Lemony Snicket wasn’t controlling my life, I was just enraged and then suddenly it all made sense. So the next time you want to snap about something that is objectively not a big deal in the grand scheme of things like your pen running out of ink, your shoe being untied, or your favorite top going missing (it’s in that big pile of laundry you’re avoiding) just take step back and take control of the situation by naming your emotions. I AM ANGRY, HEAR ME ROAR!  

Finding The Root

Now that we have infiltrated the dealer (your attitude problem) now it’s time to find the supplier (the root cause of your anger). You didn’t just wake up on the wrong side of the bed five days in a row, you are probably processing something much bigger below the surface. For someone who likes to avoid being expressive, or doesn’t know how to navigate their emotions, this part is going to take practice and a lot of time. Also, sometimes it’s not that obvious or easy to do. Once you start digging around for the reason why you are in a tizzy you might even realize that you aren’t even angry. Anger can mask other emotions and cause you to believe that you are annoyed when really you are feeling something completely different. For example, If all you have ever talked about is becoming a ballerina, and then you are gifted a Malibu Barbie for the holidays, obviously you are going to be extremely mad… or maybe you are actually just sad because you feel ignored? Talk about Debbie Downers. I would also like to note that sometimes uncovering the root cause can be overwhelming and too much for one grrrl to take on by herself. One minute you are upset that someone didn’t hold the elevator for you and the next thing you know you are thinking about how you were always picked last for recess. Don’t feel obligated to take all this on yourself because you don’t have to. You can talk to family, friends, or even seek out the help of a professional. 

Let It Flow

The most important part of all of this is to understand that you are not your emotions. Our brains work in mysterious ways that sometimes make us feel a certain way, even if we don’t want to. Obviously, no one wants to be down in the dumps forever, but I think that there is something healing, and dare I say radical, about letting yourself feel and express yourself. Your feelings are completely valid, and you are allowed to feel however you want to! It’s okay to let yourself have a moment to express yourself as long as you are not creating harm for yourself or others. For example, if you are considered the funny friend with a super positive attitude then you might feel pressure to perform to that stereotype rather than show your true emotions. You were not created to entertain others, you were created to express your authentic self. And that’s no joke!

Grrrls, however you are feeling this week, I want you to know that it’s perfectly normal. Radical self-care is not about remaining in this false sense of happiness to keep up appearances; it’s about prioritizing yourself and finding sustainable solutions to real-life situations. I can’t stress enough that you are not going through this alone and that you have people in your life who really care about your well-being, including me and this lovely community we are building! It’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to feel tired, and it’s okay to feel angry. Feeling is how we know that we are alive! If you are currently in a rut or feeling the funk, don’t be nervous that this is taking you off of the path of your greatest and highest good. The best version of yourself would want you to take the space to be present and express your feelings. Now go and be great you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!