#HEYGRRRLFRENNNS I recently celebrated my birthday a bit early (December baby probz) and I want to tell you grrrls aaaaall about it! I don’t want to be a negative Nancy, Norma, or Nelly, but if I am going to keep it all the way honest… birthdays kinda suck. Too real?? Hear me out!! Normally, birthday parties feel like a highkey performative experience and I know that someone out there can relate to me. You all know the drill: making sure your guests are having a blast aka making sure everyone’s having more fun than you, spending your last dollar on an outfit you’ll literally only wear once, and wasting probably way too much time trying to get the perfect picture just to impress a bunch of strangers on the internet. But this year? I flipped the script. The vibes were amazing, like eye opening, big epiphany, I’m never going back amazing. I spent the whole night laughing and I genuinely felt comfortable, loved, and at peace. It was like this big, warm hug of energy, and I felt so filled up by the people around me who really see me—the best version of me—and want to see me grow. I can honestly say it was the kind of birthday celebration that actually reminded me that I don’t need to be performing for anyone. It was just real af.

This year’s birthday was a major reminder that we don’t need to fit into any set mold when it comes to celebrating ourselves. And I’m not just talking about birthdays here—I’m talking about life in general. We’re so often taught that celebrations have to look a certain way, be filled with fanfare, and follow some script to be “good enough.” But what if we started rejecting all of that? What if our birthdays could be a reflection of who we truly are, not who we think we need to be for others? Radical self-care means celebrating in a way that nurtures our energy, peace, and happiness, without the pressure to perform. This year, I took back my celebration, and I want to show you how you can do the same. Because your birthday should be about you, period. So, if you’ve ever felt like you had to follow that typical birthday script (you know, the one that leaves you exhausted and drained), I’m here to tell you, grrrl, stop doing that. Birthdays are for you to celebrate exactly how you want, without all the unnecessary stress and pressure. This post is all about how you can take back your birthday and make it the celebration it deserves to be.

Just Say No

When it comes to your birthday, the first step in making it your own is giving yourself permission to say “no” to anything that doesn’t serve your peace or energy. For too long, I’ve felt like I had to say “yes” to birthday dinners at places I could care less about bring at, big parties with people I barely know, or the same cookie cutter birthday activities that are totally #trending right now just because it’s what’s expected. But guess what? It’s YOUR day, and it’s perfectly fine to not want to go all out or follow the traditional route. It’s literally a free excuse to do whatever you want no guilt attached. Not that we need to excuse or explain our behavior, but as a recovering people pleaser it sure does make it easier! Sorry, not sorry! Birthdays are already emotionally loaded, so why pile on the stress by attending events or doing things that drain you? I’m talking about saying no to that huge dinner party you don’t want to host or attend and saying no to spending money you don’t have to impress people who probably aren’t even going to remember the event in the long run. Birthdays are also the perfect reminder that time is TICKING! Which means that we should spend it doing what actually makes us happy and focus less on what will make us look “cool” to others. Taking a step back and rethinking your celebration is an act of radical self-care. If you want to spend the day alone, recharge, or even opt for a more intimate gathering with the people who truly see you, that’s okay. Saying no to anything that doesn’t align with your vibe is a form of empowerment. It’s about giving yourself the permission to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being over what others think your birthday should be. And THAT grrrls, is how you reclaim your day!

Your Way? YES WAY!

Now that you’ve given yourself permission to say “no” to what doesn’t serve you, it’s time to embrace the freedom of designing a birthday celebration that truly aligns with who you are and what you want. This doesn’t mean you have to follow some Pinterest-perfect template or make yourself fit into anyone else’s idea of what a birthday should look like. Absolutely NOT! It’s about doing whatever feels right for you. For some, that might mean a low-key day of radical self-care! Think sleeping in, binge-watching your favorite shows, or treating yourself to your favorite meal without any distractions. Grrrl Dinner! For others, maybe it’s a solo adventure, taking a day trip to a place you’ve always wanted to explore, or even just walking around the city to clear your head. Or maybe it’s a small, intimate gathering with the people who get you, with zero pressure to “entertain” or make sure everyone’s having the best time of their lives. What I’m saying is, you get to decide. You don’t have to spend a single minute doing something that doesn’t make you feel amazing. If you’ve spent years feeling like you need to go big and flashy to “prove” that your birthday matters, here’s your chance to hit the reset button. When you design your birthday celebration with radical self-care in mind, it’s not about how many people show up or how much money you spend. It’s about creating an experience that fills you up, whatever that looks like. Whether it’s a full day of pampering yourself or a quiet, reflective day alone, the only thing that matters is that it’s true to who you are. The real cheat code is when you start living life like everyday is your birthday and continue to center your own pleasure over what others think you should be doing.

You Can’t Compare

I can’t write one more word on how to have a killer birthday without bringing up the number one culprit of why you probably hate celebrating, comparison. Comparison, comparison, comparison… I mean what can I say? She’s a thief, a liar, and to be honest she’s just not that fun to be around. Definite frenemy! Unfortunately, birthday’s always come with a side of comparison. (It’s like groundhog’s day) Whether it’s comparing your special day to other people’s, what you’ve seen online, or even your past birthdays comparison can be a party pooper. We start thinking, “Why didn’t I get that many gifts?” or “Why didn’t I throw a bigger party?” or “I didn’t even post a picture and now I feel behind.” In case you did not get the memo, I’m here to tell you that your birthday is your day, not a competition. The number of people at your party, the size of your cake, or how Instagram-worthy your celebration is does not define your worth. Radical self-care is about learning to value yourself without needing external validation. Your happiness, your growth, and your peace don’t need to be validated by likes, comments, or anything that involves impressing others. Also, if you are in your head tallying points for this imaginary competition that only you know about you are probably going to miss out on being in the moment and actually having fun. Let. It. GO! Trust me, you’ll feel soo much better and have ten times more fun.

Birthdays aren’t about fitting into a mold or impressing anyone. They’re about celebrating you in a way that feels authentic and freeing. Whether you spend your day solo, with a small group, or indulging in some guilt-free radical self-care, the point is to center yourself. No need to perform, no need to live up to anyone else’s expectations, and definitely no need to compare. Just do what makes you happy and fills you up with positive energy. If you’ve spent years trying to fit into someone else’s version of what your birthday “should” be, it’s time to change that. Reclaim your power, your energy, and your peace. Give yourself permission to let go of all the external noise and focus on what truly makes your heart happy. Because you deserve the best celebration just as you are, exactly how you want it. And I’m talking to you, the one who has felt obligated to impress others with every move, from the perfectly coordinated party to the perfect birthday post. Let go of the outside noise, the judgment, and the expectations that make you feel like you’re not enough if you don’t follow the “rules.” This is your moment—no one else’s. No need to wait for permission from anyone else to celebrate your worth and the amazing person you’ve become. Now go and be great, you lil grrrly pop! TTYL!